The Life and Times of Middle Schoolers
I often get frustrated with my students for not acting like adults...but they're not adults. Some kids look like babies and others are bigger than me, but no matter what they look or act like, it's important to remember that on the inside there's a grand dicotomy taking place. During puberty children are being (or should be) trained to act in a manner that is that of an adult; they are being taught independence, decision making, proper decorum of mouth and actions, so many things. But the reality is: they are still very much children who haven't fully acquired the mental/emotional capacity to be adults.
Last Friday, I had a silent rehearsal with my 8th grade band class (13-14 years old); this means they were not allowed to speak under any circumstances (not even if they raised their hand), and if they did speak I sent them to another (prearranged) class to copy (8x) this (prewritten) paragraph that talked about what it means to be respectful, mature, and productive in band. Kid number five went first to one of the guidance counselors and then to the classroom. I got a call from her (guidance counselor) this Tuesday asking what happened on Friday. I explained the silent rehearsal and consequence for interrupting it and she said she understood that I had to follow through. She told me the student had come to her in tears and said that he wanted to quit band. He finally told her about the silent rehearsal and consequence and showed her the paragraph he was to copy. She said that he admitted to talking and he understood that that had consequences, but that he felt like he being singled out. We both agreed that he took it personally (which it wasn't) and I said I would talk to him to make sure he understood where I was coming from. When I spoke to him Wednesday, I said 'I think you took what happened on Friday a little personally', he agreed saying that he took it really personally. We talked and I explained that I had to follow through and that I was not singling him out and that it was nothing personal. I hated sending him out because he's a great kid and a super musician (I told him that as well). He agreed with me, but said he still wanted to drop band. Now here's the thing that most took me aback about the way this kid reacted to me: he's a big kid, not fat, just tall and filled out. He plays the tuba and has an earing, he looks like a bully, but he's not. So when I heard he was crying about being sent out of class I thought what's the deal? does he know what singled out means? did he not expect me to follow through just because it was him? why would he think that this is personal? The truth is most of the six kids that I sent out I never have a problem with, including kid number five, but they talked and that had consequences.
This child, no matter how he appears, has more child in him that adult. But I assumed that his appearance and maturity correlated more closely with each each. Not true. And not true for anyone else at that age either. In each child that I teach, there are glimpses of 'child' and 'adult' that surface, but it's not balanced and it's often unpredictable.
Sometime this week a couple of 7th grade flute players asked me for some advice: they wanted to know if they should tell their friend something about herself. I asked if it was a rumor, if it would hurt the friend's feelings, if it was a matter of safety, etc. They didn't really know what kind of info it was about the friend. The adult thing about this: they actually considered the feelings of the third party and whether this would benefit or hurt her. Kids don't do that so much, it's a very adult quality to be considerate of the mental and emotional well being of another. Typically, kids this age just say whatever they feel will get them attention or project a certain image that they deem as 'cool'. I was impressed with their concern for her and praised them on it.
I think that's one of the reasons I enjoy teaching this age group, I'm not only teaching them how to be musicians, but I aid in their growing up process. I'm helping them figure out how to be in this world, how to live like the world doesn't revolve around them. At times it's challenging when the child in them wins the battle between child-mind and adult-mind, but there are those glimpses of adulthood that remind me there's hope for these kids to become something great. I try to help adulthood win that inner-battle. They don't know it's going on and likely won't realize what had been happening until they are older and see it happening in others, but until then I will continue to challenge them to challenge their child-mind.
Last Friday, I had a silent rehearsal with my 8th grade band class (13-14 years old); this means they were not allowed to speak under any circumstances (not even if they raised their hand), and if they did speak I sent them to another (prearranged) class to copy (8x) this (prewritten) paragraph that talked about what it means to be respectful, mature, and productive in band. Kid number five went first to one of the guidance counselors and then to the classroom. I got a call from her (guidance counselor) this Tuesday asking what happened on Friday. I explained the silent rehearsal and consequence for interrupting it and she said she understood that I had to follow through. She told me the student had come to her in tears and said that he wanted to quit band. He finally told her about the silent rehearsal and consequence and showed her the paragraph he was to copy. She said that he admitted to talking and he understood that that had consequences, but that he felt like he being singled out. We both agreed that he took it personally (which it wasn't) and I said I would talk to him to make sure he understood where I was coming from. When I spoke to him Wednesday, I said 'I think you took what happened on Friday a little personally', he agreed saying that he took it really personally. We talked and I explained that I had to follow through and that I was not singling him out and that it was nothing personal. I hated sending him out because he's a great kid and a super musician (I told him that as well). He agreed with me, but said he still wanted to drop band. Now here's the thing that most took me aback about the way this kid reacted to me: he's a big kid, not fat, just tall and filled out. He plays the tuba and has an earing, he looks like a bully, but he's not. So when I heard he was crying about being sent out of class I thought what's the deal? does he know what singled out means? did he not expect me to follow through just because it was him? why would he think that this is personal? The truth is most of the six kids that I sent out I never have a problem with, including kid number five, but they talked and that had consequences.
This child, no matter how he appears, has more child in him that adult. But I assumed that his appearance and maturity correlated more closely with each each. Not true. And not true for anyone else at that age either. In each child that I teach, there are glimpses of 'child' and 'adult' that surface, but it's not balanced and it's often unpredictable.
Sometime this week a couple of 7th grade flute players asked me for some advice: they wanted to know if they should tell their friend something about herself. I asked if it was a rumor, if it would hurt the friend's feelings, if it was a matter of safety, etc. They didn't really know what kind of info it was about the friend. The adult thing about this: they actually considered the feelings of the third party and whether this would benefit or hurt her. Kids don't do that so much, it's a very adult quality to be considerate of the mental and emotional well being of another. Typically, kids this age just say whatever they feel will get them attention or project a certain image that they deem as 'cool'. I was impressed with their concern for her and praised them on it.
I think that's one of the reasons I enjoy teaching this age group, I'm not only teaching them how to be musicians, but I aid in their growing up process. I'm helping them figure out how to be in this world, how to live like the world doesn't revolve around them. At times it's challenging when the child in them wins the battle between child-mind and adult-mind, but there are those glimpses of adulthood that remind me there's hope for these kids to become something great. I try to help adulthood win that inner-battle. They don't know it's going on and likely won't realize what had been happening until they are older and see it happening in others, but until then I will continue to challenge them to challenge their child-mind.
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