lesson in provision
Remember that time when God didn't provide the money for me to go to Argentina for missions? I was frustrated and upset because I know that He can/could provide, but chose not to provide to send me, although I was quite willing. Still makes no sense to me. He's still Provider and proves that each day; I've been living off the non-promted, generosity of others. I am quite grateful, but am a little frustrated because I would like to see Him provide through this job I'm working at.
I feel like the Lord is teaching me a lesson in provision, proving to me that He can and always will provide for my needs. I have food, clothes, shelter, community; thats' what we need to survive and I am lacking in none of those areas for the most part. It feels like He's trying to break me of this pride I have of depending on no one for my needs. It hurts, this being broken business; I don't like it and feel like there's a better way...but I know nothing and He knows all. I have no choice but to take what I can get, because I can provide nothing for myself; that's scary for me and kinda embarrassing. I feel like I'm inconveniencing others when I am in need and can do nothing to help myself.
There's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well get over it...but it won't be easy, pride is deeply entagled in my being and it's gonna take some time and effort to detangle it.
Learning how to be an adult is harder when I have to depend so heavily on others. But maybe that's not the key to adulthood, independency; perhaps the key is learning more about my identity in Christ? I don't know, I'm just taking a stab. Whatever the 'key' is, I know that I won't have to find it alone; Christ lives in me, and because of that I won't have to go it alone.
I feel like the Lord is teaching me a lesson in provision, proving to me that He can and always will provide for my needs. I have food, clothes, shelter, community; thats' what we need to survive and I am lacking in none of those areas for the most part. It feels like He's trying to break me of this pride I have of depending on no one for my needs. It hurts, this being broken business; I don't like it and feel like there's a better way...but I know nothing and He knows all. I have no choice but to take what I can get, because I can provide nothing for myself; that's scary for me and kinda embarrassing. I feel like I'm inconveniencing others when I am in need and can do nothing to help myself.
There's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well get over it...but it won't be easy, pride is deeply entagled in my being and it's gonna take some time and effort to detangle it.
Learning how to be an adult is harder when I have to depend so heavily on others. But maybe that's not the key to adulthood, independency; perhaps the key is learning more about my identity in Christ? I don't know, I'm just taking a stab. Whatever the 'key' is, I know that I won't have to find it alone; Christ lives in me, and because of that I won't have to go it alone.
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