Think the thoughts, feel the feels...write it down

Sometimes visions of shitty, terrible, horrific things that happened to me start playing in my head. Usually when I'm still for a little while or quiet or just by myself minding my business. But then they don't stop; those memories of past traumas keep looping while I frantically try to not remember, try to  think of something else. But they keep playing. So vividly I remember the words and the scenery and what I was wearing. This most recent round of trauma loops ruined my shower. I had decided to take a longer shower than  normal, take care of myself, burn an incense. When I started thinking about how I had recently shared about the most recent sexual assault I remembered with someone but in a weird lighthearted way. I didn't call it by its name, 'rape', I quickly and carefully chose less jarring words. Words that clearly painted the picture, but in less vivid color. Then I tried to figure out why exactly I shared this story with that person; I guess because the