Disappointed in Adulthood
When I was a child, I believed that I would have all 'the answers' when I was a 'grown-up'. When you're young, adults, for the most part, seem so put together, you think they know everything partly because they tell you they do. Well, here I am a grown-up, 23, and I gotta say: this is nothing like I expected.
There are so many things that I couldn't wait to know the answers to when I was young, I was sure that I would be infinitely wiser in all areas that caused me trouble when I was an adult. I can't say that that's 100% untrue, there are areas in my life that I have gotten better in, but not simply because I am an adult, because the Lord has grown me and I have gained a deeper understanding of who I am and what I'm called to be.
Something that still kinda baffles me is men. I mean what's their deal? Lol. I was talking to a friend about how silly I feel about how I act and consider acting around someone that I'm digging on. I can make a big deal out of nothing or not even catch the slightest hint from men. I wonder what I should say/do/think/feel around him/about him. That's a lot of combinations to get right, obsess over, or fudge up.
Also, this whole money thing. It sucks, not just because I don't have any and am currently living off the generosity of others (seriously, I didn't wanna get out of bed this morning/afternoon because I didn't wanna eat because I need that food to last...but, praise God, someone sent me a late birthday card with $40 that I got today), but how it's becoming more and more evident of the world being driven by it. Money is a man made thing, why do we let it control us? Makes no sense to me.
And what of the purpose of life. I know that man was created to glorify God, but that looks different for each person. I appreciate the uniqueness of that, but what does that mean for me? What am I supposed to do specifically in my life that brings glory to Him? Am I supposed to get a certain job, live in a certain place, have certain friends, project a certain image? I'm not a decision maker, I've never been a good one, so this conundrum baffles, at times paralyzes, me.
I guess I might as well get over it, I'm an a adult and I'm stuck being one for a few more years. The good news, that I never knew as a child, is that I don't have to have all the answers. I've got the rest of my life to figure stuff out. I don't have a five year plan, or even a six month plan. Partially because I'm not a planner, but mostly because I'm not gonna stress myself out trying to look like I have it all together.
If I could somehow communicate with my young self, I would tell me: to not expect everything to fall into place just because I'm an adult; this whole life thing is a journey and it's more fun if you do your best to enjoy each season you're in.
There are so many things that I couldn't wait to know the answers to when I was young, I was sure that I would be infinitely wiser in all areas that caused me trouble when I was an adult. I can't say that that's 100% untrue, there are areas in my life that I have gotten better in, but not simply because I am an adult, because the Lord has grown me and I have gained a deeper understanding of who I am and what I'm called to be.
Something that still kinda baffles me is men. I mean what's their deal? Lol. I was talking to a friend about how silly I feel about how I act and consider acting around someone that I'm digging on. I can make a big deal out of nothing or not even catch the slightest hint from men. I wonder what I should say/do/think/feel around him/about him. That's a lot of combinations to get right, obsess over, or fudge up.
Also, this whole money thing. It sucks, not just because I don't have any and am currently living off the generosity of others (seriously, I didn't wanna get out of bed this morning/afternoon because I didn't wanna eat because I need that food to last...but, praise God, someone sent me a late birthday card with $40 that I got today), but how it's becoming more and more evident of the world being driven by it. Money is a man made thing, why do we let it control us? Makes no sense to me.
And what of the purpose of life. I know that man was created to glorify God, but that looks different for each person. I appreciate the uniqueness of that, but what does that mean for me? What am I supposed to do specifically in my life that brings glory to Him? Am I supposed to get a certain job, live in a certain place, have certain friends, project a certain image? I'm not a decision maker, I've never been a good one, so this conundrum baffles, at times paralyzes, me.
I guess I might as well get over it, I'm an a adult and I'm stuck being one for a few more years. The good news, that I never knew as a child, is that I don't have to have all the answers. I've got the rest of my life to figure stuff out. I don't have a five year plan, or even a six month plan. Partially because I'm not a planner, but mostly because I'm not gonna stress myself out trying to look like I have it all together.
If I could somehow communicate with my young self, I would tell me: to not expect everything to fall into place just because I'm an adult; this whole life thing is a journey and it's more fun if you do your best to enjoy each season you're in.
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