Saturday, October 27, 2012

The 5 Great Men Who I Don't Want to Date

A few months ago I started online dating out of curiosity and for fun.  Initially, I was getting a lot of messages from men who I weren't (or is it wasn't) interested in.  I'm not very picky, but they were not my type.  The other night, a couple of my roommates and I were talking about online dating and our experiences and preferences; one of them said that she gave up on online dating because the men she's interested in aren't the kind of men who'd sign-up for online dating.  When she said that, I realized that's the same for me!  I've gone on five dates with men who are truly great; I'm just not into them for different reasons.  Again, I want to emphasize that these men aren't terrible and someone, somewhere will be very lucky to have them as a mate.  With that being said, I don't want to be in a relationship with them, and I'm really considering just dropping online dating altogether.  Here's the dish on the guys I went on a date with and the story. (This does not include the guys who I just talked with through phone/the site.)
In order of appearance.

1) The Ambitious-Bossy Man.  This man I wasn't completely sold on based off his picture online.  I just didn't think he was that attractive, but he was/is well spoken and seemed pretty interested so I figured 'why not' (I pretty much figured 'why not' for all these guys).  We very vaguely made plans for a Friday, but then I didn't hear anything about it for a couple of days so figured it was a dud and made other plans.  Then he wants to go out and we make plans.  We met at this place called the Wine Vault...there was no food and there was  INTENSE conversation.  We, essentially, talked about the terrible state of the world; then his cousin came and they started speaking in, what I can only assume was, Swahili.  They're from Kenya.  His cousin joined us and they started speaking in English so I could contribute to the commercial, how considerate.  After his cousin left, we continued to talk and he started sharing about how he really wants to have kids because he thinks he's so awesome that he wants to pass on the awesomeness to his kids as a legacy.  Seriously, that is what he said.  I told him that I believe it's selfish for someone to want to procreate simply because they want to pass-on their (self-perceived) awesomeness, as if they're a gift to the world.  He wanted to know more, but I had to go.  After that date, I was pretty okay with never hearing from him again, he really wants kids and I really don't, but he texted me a little under a week later.  Then he wouldn't text me for like two weeks at a time, so I figured he wasn't interested (what a relief).  I deleted his number from my phone.  Then I would randomly hear from him, every time I'd ask who it was because his number wasn't saved in my phone.  The final time: he texted, I asked who, he told and said that I "really need to save my number in your phone!", I told him I had his number saved then stop hearing from his so I deleted it and that he really needs to learn to speak respectfully and consistently to others and that I wasn't available to hang that night, he apologized for communicating poorly, I told him I wasn't interested in dating/seeing him anymore, he said he thought we were friends from the get-go (which is strange to me).  The next day he texted me, inviting me to this networking event, I declined.  The thing is, he's so ambitious, so fast moving, so meticulous, so controlling, so bossy...I'm not into that.  I understand that he wants to make a big name for himself, but I don't necessarily respect that.  Life's not about making a name for yourself, it's about giving of yourself to make this world better.

2) The Super-Sensitive Man.  The online conversation was him insecurely asking if I was gonna make him fall in love with me and then hurt him by walking out of his life, leaving him with a broken heart.  I tried to keep the conversation light and he asked me out.  He was late for our date; I was in uptown at night by myself, not cool man.  Our original plans were to go to this fun thing called a Silent Disco (a dance where everyone has headphones on listening to the music instead of it blasting through huge speakers) at this popular spot in Uptown Charlotte and then get something to eat.  It rained really hard earlier, so the Disco had been cancelled.  We decided to do something in that same area and ended up going to the trendy bowling alley in the same complex.  I was pretty excited about bowling as we walked in, BUT we didn't bowl, we just sat at the bar (Bar's are on my list of places I would be okay with never going to).  I ordered a rum & coke and he ordered something, I had to remind myself to drink very slowly because I was very hungry.  So we just sat at the bar, yelling in each others' faces because the surrounding were so loud.  We talked about our likes and dislikes, pretty cliché first date things.  My butt went numb, because those bar-stools are uncomfortable, so I went to the bathroom to stretch my legs. The bartender kept asking if I wanted something else to drink and the date would tell him 'no' but would order something else for himself.  Not cool.  After me hinting that I'd like to get up and move around, we finally left.  He wanted to find another bar to hang in, I didn't see the point, so asked that we not go in another bar.  We walked around Uptown Charlotte for a little.  He was way too touchy-feely.  He then walked me to my car and I went home.  After, like, a week he sent me a message through the site, even though he had my number, asking if I was "really interested in getting to know me more."  I didn't know if he meant really=actually or really=very so I answered both by saying 'I don't know you well enough to know whether I'm actually interested in getting to know you, so yea, and I'm not very interested in getting to know him because I don't know him well; that's what dates are for.'  He responded with 'it's a simple question, I just want to know if you want the same things I want out of a relationship.'  'That's the whole reason you go on dates, to learn more about the person, to see if you want the same things they do.'  He responded with something like ' wow, you're good at answering questions' and I just didn't respond.  It seems to me that he was far more invested in the 'relationship' than I was; he was trying to figure out if I was going to be his girlfriend, I was trying to figure out if I ever wanted to be around him again.

3) The Attractive-Lighthearted Man.  He's really good looking, my favorite part of the date was checking him out...and the easiness of our conversation...and that it was a breakfast date (I really love breakfast).  He was really great about consistent communication and funny conversations.  The problem was every time we'd make a date, he'd end up not coming through on it, and he wouldn't even mention it.  I shared how hurt and confused about these unfollowed through dates and he said he was trying not to get hurt and that he did care about me.  This happened a couple more times and I was just through.  I heard from him less and less and unfriended him on Facebook.  Now we don't talk anymore and I 'm kinda okay with that.  I knew from the get go we wouldn't turn into anything, but he's a sweetie and quite handsome.

4) The Sweet Teddybear Man.  This guy is super nice and has a nice smile.  He was very respectful and we had a great time playing arcade games at Dave & Busters.  After games, we went to TGIFridays, I hadn't been there in a while, or ever, so I didn't know what they'd have for a vegetarian to eat.  They didn't have anything for me to eat, so I ordered an appetizer that left my breathe funky.  We had pretty standard first date conversation.  He expressed that he had a cat (and a dog) and I expressed that I hate cats.  After food, he walked me to my car and we hugged.  He texted me afterwards, but it wasn't about anything in particular.  It all just kinda fizzled out.  There wasn't any chemistry and I wasn't attracted to him, although he expressed that he was attracted to me.  It was a good date, nice company, but I felt nothing (no attraction, no desire) from the beginning.  I'm alright with that and I hope he is too.  He's got a great job having to do with helping the community through sports (he works for the Parks & Recreation Dept., and I just had to ask if it was like the show), is very nice, and apparently his father is a retired professional football player;  someone, somewhere will be into that.

5) The Fresh-Sincere Man.  I don't remember who initiated the conversation, me or him, but we spoke for maybe a couple weeks and then he asked me on a date and I agreed.  We went to eat at this sandwich place at the mall by where I live.  I chose that place because I figured there'd be a good variety of vegetarian sandwiches...there wasn't.  We had to scarf down our food because the movie would be starting in just an hour.  They got my order wrong and put black olives (which I find to be gross) in my quesadilla instead of black beans (which I have such a fondness for).  Over dinner we talked a lot (too much) about kids, sharing stories from different experiences in life.  I guess he thought I must love talking about kids since 2/3 of my jobs has everything to do with them, but I don't actually like to talk about them that much, especially not on a date.  Then we went to see the movie Looper, which was exceptional; after the movie, we sat in our seats for a little and chatted about movies.  As we walked towards my car, we just talked about movies and celebrities, nothing too interesting.  We got a couple spaces away from my car and I told him a had a great time (which was a lie) and hoped to see him again soon (another lie, I just didn't want to hurt his feelings) we hugged (he touched my butt, but I wasn't sure if it was on purpose, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt), and I walked towards my car.  He asked when were times I was available and I tried to explain my confusing schedule, then we hugged again (he touched my butt again) and he tried to kiss me on my lips, but I turned and got a kiss on my cheek with his scratchy lips.  He looked disappointed that I didn't let him kiss me.  I got in my car and went home.  The next day he texted me and would ask me a question, I would responded and then he would send me four or so texts in the next minute, I got really irritated at that.  I think, he stopped texting me after that night, and I was glad.  He's a pretty cheerful guy, laughs a lot, and has a real desire to marry, settle down, and I have kids, pretty normal desires.  I don't want those things, though, and he wasn't as attractive in reality as he is in his picture.

Well, there you have it.  Five great men who I don't want.  Ladies, they're up for grabs, have at them.

Friday, October 19, 2012

(Un)Inspired List

Today, I have no inspiration.  Well, it's not just today, it's like the past week or so where I've felt uninspired, sad, depressed, drained, hazy, and all around not good.  It's not any one thing in particular that's causing me to feel these feelings, it's a culmination of several things going on, and not going on, in my life.  I don't even want to write my weekly list post; I have plenty of list posts I'd like to do, but I don't feel like doing any of them, so I'm gonna write a list of things that inspire me/make me smile/happy.  Hopefully, this will cheer me up, but probably not.

1) Puppies. I just really love them.  They are cute and perfect and wonderful.  And I love them.

2) Trader Joe's.  I went grocery shopping today and I really enjoy shopping there.  There are really great things there as well as less great things.  But there's always something new, interesting, and healthy there.  Another perk is the rather attractive, grizzly men there.  Today, there was this handsome ginger man with and hearty beard.  I'd date that.

3) Cake.  I mean, it's cake.

4) Equality.  Social injustice really upsets me.  I just want everyone to be treated with equity.  When I see people being cared for and respected all over the world with no regards to their race/socio-economic status/religion/gender/etc, I'm thrilled and relieved.

5) Good Teaching.  I'm a teacher and some days I'm not awesome at teaching, but some days I'm frickin' beasting it.  I've had a great couple of teaching weeks, it's a good feeling.

6) Good Make-Up Job.  I've been pushing myself to try different make-up techniques and it's a lot of fun.  Some things I'm still working on that are hard for me to perfect, but it's rewarding to finally get the cat-eye I've been butchering for so long.  I'm feeling pretty good about my make-up choices, it's a good way to express myself.

7) Alcohol. I like it.  Not all of it, but most things I've tried, I like.

I'm feeling a little better, but that's likely because I'm eating ice cream.  We'll see if it lasts.

Friday, October 12, 2012

I live close to the Speedway, like I-can-see-and-hear-it-from-my-house close.  I, in no shape or form, like NASCAR.  I literally think it's one of the dumbest things ever created by humans, ever.  Today, I was driving home from getting my oil changed and tires rotated and I take my normal exit, this exit happens to also be the exit you'd take to get to the Speedway, when upon exiting I realize that all the traffic lights are blinking.  No, there were no police officers directing traffic, people were just going on their own accord, all willy-nilly.  I saw several people dodge collisions with other cars driving with no regard for others on the boulevard; I saw people getting irate and honking because they had been waiting for several minutes.  But most of all, and worst of all, I saw police officers weaving through traffic (with their lights on), parking in the medians and NOT GETTING OUT OF THEIR CARS TO DIRECT THE UNMANNED INTERSECTIONS.  WHAT.THE.HELL?  I.HATE.NASCAR.  And this is just scratching the surface as to why.

1) Gas.  People are always complaining, and rightfully so, about how expensive gas is.  But then there are race car drivers who literally use up gas by driving in circles.  What?  Are you serious?

2) History. NASCAR credits it's origin to the Prohibition.  While the Prohibition wasn't a great time in history, the fact that a "sport" started from illegal means is unacceptable.  The government said 'no' to alcohol, that's not alright; so let's trick-out our vehicles to outrun the law enforcement, not the proper response; now let's make this whole racing thing into a big deal, where did decency go?

3) Sport.  Why is this considered a sport?  It doesn't take any athleticism on the drivers behalf, they just have to be able to fit into the window, see, steer, and withstand extreme temperatures.  Most people can do that.

4) Hazardous Speculation.  I am squeamish when I watch football, because these guys are getting hit by other giants all for a ball; but when I'm watching NASCAR (which I try to make sure is never), I'm downright sick to my stomach.  It is so dangerous.  It's not like football, rugby, or lacrosse in which all you have is your body and a stick to cause others bodily harm for sport, no!, in NASCAR you have an entire car!  People have died from this so called sport.  No sport is worth that.  On top of that, people watch this event, on purpose with pleasure.  It all seems twisted to me.

5) People.  I know wonderful people who enjoy watching racing, but those aren't the people I end up dealing with during racing seasons.  Earlier this year, May, when a race was finished and people were leaving, people came in my neighborhood (it was around 11-12 at night), driving recklessly, honking, and yelling out their windows.  I guess their favorite guy had won and they wanted to alert the locals, as if we cared.  This time of year brings in a lot of tourists, they're coming in for the races and they don't know (or choose to use) the proper decorum for this city.  They drive like maniacs who have no clue where they're going no matter how many signs are up; they walk drunk in the streets; and they, all around, lower the standard of living for the residence of this and surrounding cities.  If you are a NASCAR fan, don't make of a fool of yourself, stay classy.

I dislike NASCAR.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

So I have these feelings about...Fall

It used to be I dreaded the coming of Fall.  Now, I dread it less.  I'll admit there are things I enjoy about Fall; but, overall I have mixed feelings about it.  Here's what's going on inside my heart in regards to Fall:

1) Pumpkin.  And I always have.  When fall is near, everyone starts, suddenly, announcing what the heck they're drinking.  Were you not hydrating during the rest of the year?  People always are like: "curling up reading a great novel with a pumpkin spice latte."  I literally don't care.  Suddenly, everything has to have pumpkin in it.  Pumpkin is gross, slimy, stringy, and nasty.  Literally the smell of it makes me nauseous.  If Fall means pumpkin, then I don't like it.

2) Day Light Saving Time.  Hallelujah!  That's Fall's biggest redeeming quality.  I am not a morning person, so getting an 'extra hour' of sleep is a luxurious treat.  I'm a much more pleasant person.

3) Weather.  I prefer warmer weather.  But it is nice to not get sunburned and sweat stains from checking the mail.  But I'm such a sissy in cold weather; the temperatures that we're having now are ideal.  I'm okay with beginning Fall weather, in the 70's and 80's.

4) Fashion.  I've really come to like Fall/Winter fashion.  And I really like that people start to cover up; ladies, I realize our bodies are beautiful creations, but I don't want to see yours.  Sweaters, colorful tights, boots, leggings, scarves.  I dig.

5) Plant Life.  I just feel so badly for the trees.  They're these excellent greens and then they change to all these lovely, vibrant colors...then the leaves fall off.  How sad.  I wouldn't mind if the leaves stayed on the trees and then just changed back to green when the weather grew warmer.  Already, this week, I had students dodging leaves because they were fearful of what would happen if they were touched by them.  Everything starts to die. How sad.

6) Food.  I'm not into Thanksgiving food, with the exception of mac'n'cheese and dinner rolls, but I do like that people start making chilis and soups.  Last year, I made chili for the first time and I'm looking forward to trying different recipes this year.  I'm not sure why, but people tend to make more wholesome food during the colder months and like to share it; I am so happy to try the vegetarian ones.

7) Television.  There are some good shows that come back on in the Fall.

8) Wind.  I don't mind it, but it gets really cold and takes my breathe away, then I don't like it.

9) Decoration.  I'm not a fan of Fall decorations.  They always involve straw/hay, orange, brown, red, and yellow.  There's always pumpkins and other nasty gourds involved; suddenly, people start putting pumpkins on their front porch and call it decoration.  People have dumb Halloween decorations all September and all October.  Turkeys, which are ugly, dumb creatures, become ironic celebrities and kids transform their hands into these poor, ugly, dumb creatures and call it art.  Scarecrows become famous, as if crows aren't a problem during the rest of the year.  People start using "Fall scented" candles, which essentially means cinnamon and pumpkin, so my nose feels constantly harassed.  It really just feels out of control to me.  Like everyone has lost their tasteful mind and has embraced tackiness.

10) Winter.  Winter makes me so sad, and kinda S.A.D.  All Fall, as the season progresses, I'm trying to brace myself for the terribleness that's Winter.  This kinda ruins Fall for me, because I know it's just getting ready for Winter and I really don't like Winter.

11) My Skin.  My skin does not like cold weather.  It get dry and peels, no matter what I try.  I've already started seeing some peeling.  Gross.

12) Holidays.  I don't care about Halloween; Thanksgiving is just okay, but mostly stressful.  I do like the Jewish holidays, but I don't celebrate them any longer.  People go all out for the first two holidays, and I just don't care, so I have to hear all about their plans for costumes and pumpkin food...and I don't want to.

13) Christmas Music.  I am a Music Teacher, this means I have to start teaching and rehearsing Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa music in October.  So while everyone is enjoying the Fall season, I've got a mental soundtrack of politically correct, Jesus neutered, Holiday Music.  Not my favorite thing ever.  Then, when the time actually comes for Christmas Carols and other festivities, my stomach turns at the thought of singing about commercial Christmas again.  I like the Jesus rich stuff, but if I have to sing Jingle Bells again, I'll turn into a Scrooge.

14) Beards.  No Shave November is my favorite.  I'm so glad men feel inspired to let their face-mane grow.  I'm not just glad, I'm grateful.

15) Scary Movies.  I don't like scary movies, not even a little bit.  Scary movies start getting released in Fall, for Halloween, I guess.  It's really terrible.

So there you have it!  My mixed feelings about Autumn.