A few months ago I started online dating out of curiosity and for fun. Initially, I was getting a lot of messages from men who I weren't (or is it wasn't) interested in. I'm not very picky, but they were not my type. The other night, a couple of my roommates and I were talking about online dating and our experiences and preferences; one of them said that she gave up on online dating because the men she's interested in aren't the kind of men who'd sign-up for online dating. When she said that, I realized that's the same for me! I've gone on five dates with men who are truly great; I'm just not into them for different reasons. Again, I want to emphasize that these men aren't terrible and someone, somewhere will be very lucky to have them as a mate. With that being said, I don't want to be in a relationship with them, and I'm really considering just dropping online dating altogether. Here's the dish on the guys I went on a date with and the story. (This does not include the guys who I just talked with through phone/the site.)
In order of appearance.
1) The Ambitious-Bossy Man. This man I wasn't completely sold on based off his picture online. I just didn't think he was that attractive, but he was/is well spoken and seemed pretty interested so I figured 'why not' (I pretty much figured 'why not' for all these guys). We very vaguely made plans for a Friday, but then I didn't hear anything about it for a couple of days so figured it was a dud and made other plans. Then he wants to go out and we make plans. We met at this place called the Wine Vault...there was no food and there was INTENSE conversation. We, essentially, talked about the terrible state of the world; then his cousin came and they started speaking in, what I can only assume was, Swahili. They're from Kenya. His cousin joined us and they started speaking in English so I could contribute to the commercial, how considerate. After his cousin left, we continued to talk and he started sharing about how he really wants to have kids because he thinks he's so awesome that he wants to pass on the awesomeness to his kids as a legacy. Seriously, that is what he said. I told him that I believe it's selfish for someone to want to procreate simply because they want to pass-on their (self-perceived) awesomeness, as if they're a gift to the world. He wanted to know more, but I had to go. After that date, I was pretty okay with never hearing from him again, he really wants kids and I really don't, but he texted me a little under a week later. Then he wouldn't text me for like two weeks at a time, so I figured he wasn't interested (what a relief). I deleted his number from my phone. Then I would randomly hear from him, every time I'd ask who it was because his number wasn't saved in my phone. The final time: he texted, I asked who, he told and said that I "really need to save my number in your phone!", I told him I had his number saved then stop hearing from his so I deleted it and that he really needs to learn to speak respectfully and consistently to others and that I wasn't available to hang that night, he apologized for communicating poorly, I told him I wasn't interested in dating/seeing him anymore, he said he thought we were friends from the get-go (which is strange to me). The next day he texted me, inviting me to this networking event, I declined. The thing is, he's so ambitious, so fast moving, so meticulous, so controlling, so bossy...I'm not into that. I understand that he wants to make a big name for himself, but I don't necessarily respect that. Life's not about making a name for yourself, it's about giving of yourself to make this world better.
2) The Super-Sensitive Man. The online conversation was him insecurely asking if I was gonna make him fall in love with me and then hurt him by walking out of his life, leaving him with a broken heart. I tried to keep the conversation light and he asked me out. He was late for our date; I was in uptown at night by myself, not cool man. Our original plans were to go to this fun thing called a Silent Disco (a dance where everyone has headphones on listening to the music instead of it blasting through huge speakers) at this popular spot in Uptown Charlotte and then get something to eat. It rained really hard earlier, so the Disco had been cancelled. We decided to do something in that same area and ended up going to the trendy bowling alley in the same complex. I was pretty excited about bowling as we walked in, BUT we didn't bowl, we just sat at the bar (Bar's are on my list of places I would be okay with never going to). I ordered a rum & coke and he ordered something, I had to remind myself to drink very slowly because I was very hungry. So we just sat at the bar, yelling in each others' faces because the surrounding were so loud. We talked about our likes and dislikes, pretty cliché first date things. My butt went numb, because those bar-stools are uncomfortable, so I went to the bathroom to stretch my legs. The bartender kept asking if I wanted something else to drink and the date would tell him 'no' but would order something else for himself. Not cool. After me hinting that I'd like to get up and move around, we finally left. He wanted to find another bar to hang in, I didn't see the point, so asked that we not go in another bar. We walked around Uptown Charlotte for a little. He was way too touchy-feely. He then walked me to my car and I went home. After, like, a week he sent me a message through the site, even though he had my number, asking if I was "really interested in getting to know me more." I didn't know if he meant really=actually or really=very so I answered both by saying 'I don't know you well enough to know whether I'm actually interested in getting to know you, so yea, and I'm not very interested in getting to know him because I don't know him well; that's what dates are for.' He responded with 'it's a simple question, I just want to know if you want the same things I want out of a relationship.' 'That's the whole reason you go on dates, to learn more about the person, to see if you want the same things they do.' He responded with something like ' wow, you're good at answering questions' and I just didn't respond. It seems to me that he was far more invested in the 'relationship' than I was; he was trying to figure out if I was going to be his girlfriend, I was trying to figure out if I ever wanted to be around him again.
3) The Attractive-Lighthearted Man. He's really good looking, my favorite part of the date was checking him out...and the easiness of our conversation...and that it was a breakfast date (I really love breakfast). He was really great about consistent communication and funny conversations. The problem was every time we'd make a date, he'd end up not coming through on it, and he wouldn't even mention it. I shared how hurt and confused about these unfollowed through dates and he said he was trying not to get hurt and that he did care about me. This happened a couple more times and I was just through. I heard from him less and less and unfriended him on Facebook. Now we don't talk anymore and I 'm kinda okay with that. I knew from the get go we wouldn't turn into anything, but he's a sweetie and quite handsome.
4) The Sweet Teddybear Man. This guy is super nice and has a nice smile. He was very respectful and we had a great time playing arcade games at Dave & Busters. After games, we went to TGIFridays, I hadn't been there in a while, or ever, so I didn't know what they'd have for a vegetarian to eat. They didn't have anything for me to eat, so I ordered an appetizer that left my breathe funky. We had pretty standard first date conversation. He expressed that he had a cat (and a dog) and I expressed that I hate cats. After food, he walked me to my car and we hugged. He texted me afterwards, but it wasn't about anything in particular. It all just kinda fizzled out. There wasn't any chemistry and I wasn't attracted to him, although he expressed that he was attracted to me. It was a good date, nice company, but I felt nothing (no attraction, no desire) from the beginning. I'm alright with that and I hope he is too. He's got a great job having to do with helping the community through sports (he works for the Parks & Recreation Dept., and I just had to ask if it was like the show), is very nice, and apparently his father is a retired professional football player; someone, somewhere will be into that.
5) The Fresh-Sincere Man. I don't remember who initiated the conversation, me or him, but we spoke for maybe a couple weeks and then he asked me on a date and I agreed. We went to eat at this sandwich place at the mall by where I live. I chose that place because I figured there'd be a good variety of vegetarian sandwiches...there wasn't. We had to scarf down our food because the movie would be starting in just an hour. They got my order wrong and put black olives (which I find to be gross) in my quesadilla instead of black beans (which I have such a fondness for). Over dinner we talked a lot (too much) about kids, sharing stories from different experiences in life. I guess he thought I must love talking about kids since 2/3 of my jobs has everything to do with them, but I don't actually like to talk about them that much, especially not on a date. Then we went to see the movie Looper, which was exceptional; after the movie, we sat in our seats for a little and chatted about movies. As we walked towards my car, we just talked about movies and celebrities, nothing too interesting. We got a couple spaces away from my car and I told him a had a great time (which was a lie) and hoped to see him again soon (another lie, I just didn't want to hurt his feelings) we hugged (he touched my butt, but I wasn't sure if it was on purpose, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt), and I walked towards my car. He asked when were times I was available and I tried to explain my confusing schedule, then we hugged again (he touched my butt again) and he tried to kiss me on my lips, but I turned and got a kiss on my cheek with his scratchy lips. He looked disappointed that I didn't let him kiss me. I got in my car and went home. The next day he texted me and would ask me a question, I would responded and then he would send me four or so texts in the next minute, I got really irritated at that. I think, he stopped texting me after that night, and I was glad. He's a pretty cheerful guy, laughs a lot, and has a real desire to marry, settle down, and I have kids, pretty normal desires. I don't want those things, though, and he wasn't as attractive in reality as he is in his picture.
Well, there you have it. Five great men who I don't want. Ladies, they're up for grabs, have at them.