Saturday, April 21, 2012

I'm sorry, what was that?

Do you ever catch yourself reacting in a way that's very uncharacteristic of you?  This week I haven't felt like myself...or maybe more of myself has come out?  I got really offended, really hurt, by the words of someone.  Hurt to the point where I avoided being around them.  Sometimes I don't know if I should let stuff roll off my back or if I should take offense to it because it speaks to a deeper issue between that person and me.

Anyway, occasionally I am reminded that I am more sensitive than I let on to others and myself.  Is it being dishonest to not show that side of me?  Is it a 'side' of me or is it something more, is it a characteristic of me that I suppress?

I don't know.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Young Adult

(Warning: this blog post may contain spoilers for the movie Young Adult)
A few weeks ago a friend and I watched the movie Young Adult.  The movie, starring Charlize Theron, is about a 37 year old young-adult novelist who visits her small hometown to get back her high school sweetheart; her high school sweetheart is married with a child, so he's not exactly eligible.  She ends up causing a huge scene at her crushes' baby naming celebration, with egg on her face.  She had this vision, this dream, of having this perfect life with her high school sweetheart she had gotten pregnant by about 17 years prior.  She tried seducing him, but it didn't work, and the more it didn't work the more desperate she got, the harder she worked.  She knew what she wanted, her ideal of a perfect life, and she went for it.  But, you know what, she didn't know what she was doing and by the end of the movie it was very clear she needed therapy.  She was a wreck, it was sad.  The point?  She didn't know what she was doing.

None of us do.  With every new situation/circumstance presented to us we're at a severe disadvantage, a learning curve.  Lately, I've been feeling the weight of not know what the hell I'm doing.  The truth is, I don't know how to be human, it's so hard.  On my Spring Break I got to spend time with a dear friend, we were talking about mistakes, how people you have faith in to do the right thing ('all the time') make mistakes.  It's hard being human, I realize this sounds 'self-pityish', it is.  One can know the book answers/solutions, learn from other's experiences, and use logic or common sense...but until you are confronted with the issue and have to deal with it, you don't really know.


But, one can try, that's the good news.  When we make mistakes, we're given sooo much grace and sooo many second chances.  It's kinda good and yet sucks because we are human and foolishly return to our vomit.  Instead of learning our lessons the first time, we end up returning to our mistakes in hopes of an improved outcome.  How silly of us.

It's a little discouraging for me at times.  I'd like to learn my lesson the first time and never have to revisit the issue again, but I don't.  But this is my first time being human and thankfully my last.

ouch, that hurts and it's my fault

So it's pretty much official, the guy I've liked for a while is back with his ex-girlfriend.  I feel hurt, betrayed, disappointed, sad, foolish and a bunch of other stuff.  But, you know what?, it's all my fault.  He never said he was interested in me, in fact after he said we should Skype he wouldn't respond to my response asking when.  I do this, I develop a crush on a man, and I fall hard, then when he starts going out with someone I feel heartbroken, disappointed and wonder if I could/should have said/did something to make my feelings known to him.  But you know what?  I'll eventually get over it, it just sucks.  I hate that I do the same stupid thing over and over again, you think I'd learn.

Friday, April 6, 2012

"I'm Christian, unless you're gay"

Here's a blog post I just read.  While I don't agree with everything written here, there are a lot of points I think are very important.  What are your thoughts?
http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html