Engagement

It has recently occurred to me that I'm kinda cranky when I'm finished with a day at work.  I've been engaging all day with kids and adults, most of the time they need or want something from me.  I wake up at 6am and am in bed by 11pm.  I have kids yelling at me and playing  instruments that are really loud all day, five days a week.  And those florescent lights make my brain tired.  I love what I do, but it's exhausting.  After a day at work I'm mentally exhausted (all day I'm thinking 'what can I do to make them better musicians?'), I'm physically spent (on my feet walking around all day), and I'm hungry.  When I get in the car to go home, I'm in a daze for more than half the ride home because my brain is still buzzing.  Monday when I had just gotten home, a coworker called me to ask if I need any help with anything and if I wanted to carpool and I sounded so mean.  I talked to her about it the next day and she said I sounded super annoyed/unpleasant.

The truth is, when I get home from work, good day or bad, I don't want to engage with anyone for a little bit; I've been engaging all day and I'd like time to have thoughts to myself and for myself.  I have to collect my thoughts.  I also cut off Ms. Henderson (teacher) mode and back onto Coléa mode in my head; but this isn't done with just a switch, it's a process.  I literally have to resist the urge to tell some kid (or adult) in the store to pull his pants up, or to tell some people to stop noodling (public displays of affection), or to spit out their gum, or any number of thing that I have to be on patrol for during the day.  I feel like a crazy teacher on the loose.  I'm not really able to have an adult conversation on weeknights because I've been using my teacher voice all day.

That was one reason I had such a tough last semester; I got home from a long day student teaching and then I had to spend the evening calling people, engaging even more.  It was exhausting, I hated it.

Although I'm quite an extrovert, I am valuing more and more time by myself.  This could mean watching TV, reading, blogging, staring at the wall, devouring food, and other stuff.  People are great, but it's important for anyone to simply be by themselves some amount of time.

So if you catch me after work somewhere and I'm not my usual self, know it's nothing personal, I just need some time to collect myself and get my brain in the proper place.

Comments

  1. I'm coming more and more to believe that part of adulthood involves introverts becoming more extroverted and extroverts learning to embrace their inner introvert. Oh life...

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