Think the thoughts, feel the feels...write it down

Last week, on this day, I posted a status saying that I was super hungry, but broke and that it sucked that I don't get paid until the 16th of April.  I posted this status as just that, a status, I wasn't fishing for anything; but soon after a good friend (well actually her husband) asked me my address, I gave it to her.  Then, two days later a coworker, whom I really admire, gave me $20.  When she gave it to me, I was shocked and asked why, she said it was just a little donation and knows how hard it can be to live life when the paycheck doesn't come when one needs it to.  I bought $20 worth of groceries on Friday and was a happy camper.  Well the friends (husband and wife) who asked for my address sent me a check for $50, another surprise blessing so I was able to buy shampoo, face wash, and other stuff of the sorts.  Another huge blessing.  Then there's today:  I was looking over music in during my planning when the same teacher that gave me th...

You know?  There are some students that I just don't like.  I'm not the kind of person that blows smoke up people's butt so that they'll do what I've asked, especially not students.  There are two students that require this for them to cooperate and not get an attitude with me for me telling them 'no' or anything else they don't want to hear.  I understand that teaching involves handling children with contingency and consistency, but I also have a whole class that needs attention, not just that student that needs their ego stroked.  I'll inflate their ego when they do something worthy of it. Take, for instance, a 7th grade percussionist who plays TOO LOUD!!!  The whole band knows it and asks her to stop playing so loud, it's hurting everyone's ears.  She's always played too loud and no matter how many times anyone has asked her to play more quietly, she doesn't.  When I tell her she's playing too loud and ask her to play more qu...

Hello!  So a week ago I updated about this whole changing my outer appearance thing was going; here's how it's going this week:  I wore at least foundation, mascara, and blush all this week.  I'm pretty surprised how little time that has taken in the mornings, which is super because I have the capacity for very little that early in the morning.  As for how I'm dressing, little has changed because I wear teacher clothes all day five days a week; the outfit I'm most proud of this week has been: a plain white crew neck shirt (with a black tank underneath so they can't see my bra), my favorite black skirt that has a cute big black belt, and my blue silk shoes with white dots, a peep toe, and really cushy sole, and I did a little twisty thing in the front of my hair.  This outfit was uber comfortable, but it was not very smart because it was super windy outside so I had to hold onto my skirt while outside for colorguard class.  I still feel pretty good about thi...

It has recently occurred to me that I'm kinda cranky when I'm finished with a day at work.  I've been engaging all day with kids and adults, most of the time they need or want something from me.  I wake up at 6am and am in bed by 11pm.  I have kids yelling at me and playing  instruments that are really loud all day, five days a week.  And those florescent lights make my brain tired.  I love what I do, but it's exhausting.  After a day at work I'm mentally exhausted (all day I'm thinking 'what can I do to make them better musicians?'), I'm physically spent (on my feet walking around all day), and I'm hungry.  When I get in the car to go home, I'm in a daze for more than half the ride home because my brain is still buzzing.  Monday when I had just gotten home, a coworker called me to ask if I need any help with anything and if I wanted to carpool and I sounded so mean.  I talked to her about it the next day and she said I sounded...

There's a new girl in two of my classes, she wasn't here last semester so I really know very little of her.  She lives in a group home; when I first heard this I prejudged her.  I figured that she would be self-conscious about this and would want to keep it on the DL (Down Low) so I prepared for that.  At the end of each of her classes she has to get this sheet signed by her teachers.  The sheet asks if she: participated in class, was tardy, and something else; I have to circle yes or no and then sign.  She's really good about reminding me to sign it. Like I said, I had prejudged that she would be secretive, or ashamed, of the fact that she lives in a group home, but she's uber chill about it.  I don't know her story, so I don't know how long she's been in this establishment, but however long she has she's very open about it.  When I'm signing the sheet, other kids usually gather round to see what's going and when they ask her she just tells th...

Yesterday my two best 8th grade trumpets were messing around and one caused the other to drop his (school owned) trumpet right on the mouthpiece.  Now for those of you who don't know, the first thing we teach brass players is NOT to 'pop' their mouthpiece when it's on the instrument, just put it in with a little twist.  It's makes a pitched fart-like sound that people of all ages find to be entertaining; but when that's done, the mouthpiece (which is metal) gets jammed in the lead pipe of the instrument (which is also metal) and it takes some work getting it out.  There's a contraption that looks like a miniature torture device, that is used to unjam the mouthpiece from the leadpipe.  I call it the "mouthpiece unsticker", but upon looking it up a minute ago, it's apparently called a brass mouthpiece puller.  Here's a picture: Because it's metal on metal, it can take some coaxing to get the mouthpiece out, but this tool is invaluable t...

Yesterday was my first day back in front of the bands since the end of last semester.  I was not mentally prepared for the magnitude of the sound.  SO LOUD!  It stunned me, so last night I bought ear plugs to wear during the day.  Now I've always known that band was loud, but I felt quite immune to it because I have been in band since I was in 5th grade.  The volume was (is) just an everyday part of life.  But just like jackhammer operators use those special ear-protectors while operating the equipment, I should do the same.  I put the ear plugs in today during all music classes (so not my colorguard class) and once my students stop freaking out about it, things went back to normal.  It felt really strange, partially because my mom always told me not to stick anything in my ears, nose, eyes, etc when I was young, but I forced myself to wear them.  They asked why I was wearing earplugs and I simply said "I want to be able to hear when I get ol...

Hi!  So I'm home from my first day as the sub band director at the school I student taught at last semester, and boy was that interesting.  It all started last night:  I watched House, a show about a team of diagnostic doctors,  and the end of the episode freaked me out (subconsiously, conciously I just thought "oh what a twist!").  Even though I went to bed on time (a little before 11pm) and even fell asleep shortly after 11pm, I awoke feeling groggy because I had nightmares ALL night that were loosely about the patient in House AND I woke up around 2:30am in a confused panic and with stomach pain.  I took some meds and went back to bed, but not without the creeps. When I got to school I set up my 'teaching station' and prepared my self to teach my first period class, Jazz Band.  I really like jazz and I felt quite prepared, but my kids (all but 3 are boys) were just too much to handle for me first thing in the morning.  I had to expl...

At my Greensboro church this morning, pastor talked about what it means to take up the cross and follow Him.  His two main points were 1)The art of surrendering means attaching (abiding, remaining) ourselves to Jesus and 2)The art of surrender means finding a new identity in Jesus.  I was excited when he talked about abiding because that was what the message was about last Sunday at my Charlotte church.  I don't believe this is a coincidence, perhaps the Lord is trying to teach me something; I just need to listen. He closed the message with a beautiful, interesting, true story about a child with something called Attachment Disorder.  I had never heard of this, but pastor, being a counselor, explained it very eloquently.  In the first 6-12 months of a child's life, it's extra important to intentionally engage with the child as their parent and other loved one.  This means making eye contact, smiling, talking to, playing with, etc, all the things that ...

There's an intersection in Greensboro with a tattoo shop, Wendy's, 2 gas stations, a laundromat, and a few other things.  It's a pretty busy and popular intersection.  On my way home yesterday, I was stopped at the light of said intersection, there was a homeless man/begger there with a sign.  I eventually rolled my window up, as I always do, as if he would actually come and cause me harm while I waited for the light to change.  Homeless people standing at this intersection, as well as others, is not uncommon in Greensboro (even on great sides of town), so I'm not unaccustomed to this and have always been quite aware of people who are in destitute situations.  My momma used to run a ministry that provided meals, clothes, and Gospel for those in need in rough parts of Charlotte.  Helping those in need was a passion of hers, and me being raised up with that, adopted a lot of that same compassion for the destitute. But looking at my life ...

In a previous post, I talked about my plans to change my outward appearance.  I want to do this because I felt that the way I presented myself spoke little truth of my personality.  Well today is the forth day of this process and I'm pretty satisfied with my progress; On both Wednesday and Friday I wore make-up (not just mascara) and abstained from wearing a t-shirt.  On Wednesday, I didn't really do much, but I wore foundation, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, and lip gloss.  It didn't take me that long to put it on and I was pretty satisfied with that.  On Thursday I moved from Charlotte to Greensboro, so I just threw some clothes on and pulled my hair back, nothing special.  But Friday was my first day back at the school that I'll be teaching at so I wore foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and blush (I can't wear lip gloss because I use my mouth to play instruments and that would get messy).  It took me surprisingly little time to apply all that so ...

There's a show called Hoarders: Buried Alive that I catch sometimes; the people who are on it live in houses that are filled to the brim with stuff.  Most of the stuff is crap, there was even a person who had a flattened dead cat in between some stuff in their house!  SCARY!  I hate to say it, but the grotesqueness of this sickness (hoarding) fascinates me and invokes a deep sense of pity, it's sobering.  The people who hoard, more times than not, started because of some hurt in their past; something like a divorce or the death a loved one triggered this unhealthy coping mechanism.  While I admit to being a former pack-rat, I cringe at the thought of my home being incredibly cluttered to the point of endangerment of my person, house, and those that come in contact with my hoarding; my pride, alone, would prevent me from getting that far. I think about how ridiculous/silly it is to accumulate such an overwhelming amount of stuff and I say that me and others are...

Tomorrow I make the move, once again (hopefully for the last time), to Greensboro from Charlotte.  I will be the substitute for the band program I student taught for last semester; the band director will be going on maternity leave and so I'll be taking over for the end of the school year.  I'm really excited about this job, it's such a great opportunity! But I have some mixed feelings about making the move.  I like Greensboro, and it's been my home for the past 4.5 years, but I really like Charlotte.  Charlotte is where I grew up, but I grew up in a different way in Greensboro.  The truth is, there are things about either city that I really like. Greensboro has lots of beautiful parks including UNCG (my Alma Mater), which was built on a park.  There's always "cultural-hip" things going on with music, art, dance, festivals at some park, downtown, college/university, or Greensboro Coliseum.  The collection of people is never ending, college students...

So right now I'm watching What Not to Wear, which is a TLC series that gives people a fashion makeover; they get $5000 to spend on a new wardrobe to replace their bad/inappropriate/mal-sized/outdated/wrong one as well as new hair (cut, color, whatever), and make-up.  I like this show because I learn about fashion, the host's are funny, and it's neat to see the inner transformation that the people go through simply because they've changed(improved) their outer appearance. I want to have a style, but I do not feel that I have a concrete look other than 'bland-teachery'.  I feel like I look pretty good when it comes to my teacher wardrobe, I look put together and practical.  But when it comes to my outside-the-classroom style, that's where I think I need help.  (NOTE:  THIS IS NOT ME ASKING TO BE NOMINATED FOR THE SHOW.)  I see so many people that have great style, a style they own that works for them (their lifestyle and body type).  I want that! I t...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bim02txy-A I like both these artists.

Here are 23 things about me that you may or may not know about me, they are not in any particular order, enjoy! 1)I really enjoy reading, there's so much stuff out there to know and learn and so I LOVE to learn about the world through reading 2)I hope to some day permanently live in San Jose, Costa Rica; as far as I'm concerned it's the 'promised land'. 3)Chapstick (not just the brand) is excellent, I probably put it on once an hour. 4)I really don't like cats, I think they're rude and I don't like that they poop and pee inside the house. 5)My grey hair is natural, it just started growing when I was in 3rd grade. 6)My absolute favorite doughnut is Krispy Kreme's Lemon filled doughnut.  It's made of magic. 7)I like my feet, I think they're pretty cute. 8)I originally became a vegetarian because I was so freaked/weired out about mad cow disease (that was around the time of all the scandal surrounding it); but now I'm a vegetarian f...

I've decided that I like blogging.  I'm an external processor, which means I better understand and sort out life through putting it out there.  This could be through the means of writing and/or speaking.  This doesn't mean that I can't understand my world and feelings if I don't do one of the following, but things get jumbled up in my head and it helps to see them or talk through them. I don't really know whether people really read my blog, but it doesn't really bother me either way.  I want to be a better blogger; I have friends that have/maintain blogs and I really admire their writing.  Some of them have such a beautiful way with words so it's like reading poetry, others have really interesting things to write about, and yet others just make everything seem interesting.  Of course part of the appeal of reading their blogs is my interest in them; but what can I say, love my friends. A couple of years ago, I had to take English 101 and my teacher ta...

I just love my community here in Charlotte.  I heard from somewhere, and I am quite sure this is biblical, that when living in a biblical community no one should be in need.  As you may have gathered from my previous post I'm in need.  My car needs a new radiator and I don't start work for another 2.5 weeks, but I need money now.  Well some wonderful people from my college-young adult community are chipping in to get me a new radiator put in by a professional.  Originally, someone said they could get me one from a pull-apart yard and another friend said they could put it in for me.  This alone made me sooo happy; but I felt even more love when they worked it out for me to have a new one. I love these people and each time I spend time with them, I love them more.  We push each other to be better and speak truth and love into our lives (Ephesians 4:29).  We live with each other, eat with each other, play with each other...we do everything with eac...

Lately, I've felt somewhat panicky.  Really nothing is going right for me at this time except my having a dream job lined up that starts at he end of March.  I often don't let people see/know my worried/panicky side.  This, I believe, is unhealthy, but is a disposition I adopted when I had to be the 'strong one' in the family.  I felt the pressure to hold it together so that others I love(d) could lean on me for strength and support.  I need to do some leaning, but I'm having a hard time knowing how and when to lean and on whom. My car is, as usual, acting up:  I need a new radiator ($500ish) which means it won't pass inspection ($23) and can't get registered ($30ish) (which was due by yesterday)...and that's if I could just get enough money to do this stuff.  Since I don't start work until the end of this month, I actually (praise God) had enough money to make it to that point through a complete God story, but that money quickly went away when ...