living paycheck to paycheck...a post NOT about money
In April, I wrote a post about abiding. In it, I shared what I had been learning about abiding in the Lord and how I wanted to shake things up in my regimented quiet time. Well, I think a follow up post is loooong overdue. I've been sucking at it.
Today I read a friends blog post where she said she's living paycheck to paycheck, it helped me realize that's what I'm doing in my spiritual life. I'm just barely squeaking by, just barely being sustained, not really feeling secure.
I had stopped my quiet time routine to experience God in a bigger way, to get more of Him; but what has happened instead is I'm floundering. I'm like a fish who's trying to learn to live without water, I'm dying. I help with the kids church and yesterday we taught the lesson about how Jesus is the Vine and we are the branches; how we are to stay connected to Jesus so that we can bare fruit for His Kingdom. I just now got that that lesson is about me! Perfect.
I need God, I need time with Him. I haven't taken up drugs or alcohol to substitute Him; my life, instead, has been feeling very empty, very purposeless. I feel like I've just been wandering around aimlessly, unsure of anything: who am I, why am I here, what am I supposed to be doing, who is everyone else, am I doing this right? I feel as if I've lost a part of myself, but I know how to get it back.
I'm tired of this, it sucks in a really boring way. It's gonna take some effort to get back to a relationship where I'm not just acknowledging His existence, but it's so worth it and I'm quite anxious to get there.
Today I read a friends blog post where she said she's living paycheck to paycheck, it helped me realize that's what I'm doing in my spiritual life. I'm just barely squeaking by, just barely being sustained, not really feeling secure.
I had stopped my quiet time routine to experience God in a bigger way, to get more of Him; but what has happened instead is I'm floundering. I'm like a fish who's trying to learn to live without water, I'm dying. I help with the kids church and yesterday we taught the lesson about how Jesus is the Vine and we are the branches; how we are to stay connected to Jesus so that we can bare fruit for His Kingdom. I just now got that that lesson is about me! Perfect.
I need God, I need time with Him. I haven't taken up drugs or alcohol to substitute Him; my life, instead, has been feeling very empty, very purposeless. I feel like I've just been wandering around aimlessly, unsure of anything: who am I, why am I here, what am I supposed to be doing, who is everyone else, am I doing this right? I feel as if I've lost a part of myself, but I know how to get it back.
I'm tired of this, it sucks in a really boring way. It's gonna take some effort to get back to a relationship where I'm not just acknowledging His existence, but it's so worth it and I'm quite anxious to get there.
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