love languages
A couple summers back I read The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition, by Gary Chapman. Although I had been hearing of these for a while and already knew what mine are, I wanted to read the book for myself.
The book was very enlightening and I often think of it when interacting with people. In it, Chapman talks of five primary love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. It is through these that we recieve love and give it. Having read the book, I see people, their words and actions, with more understanding of their motive. I am also better at expressing my needs as well as trying to meet theirs.
Something that quite fastinates me is that God did this. God made it so that we all love and feel loved in different capacities, yet He loves each of us perfectly. When people give me gifts, I have a hard time knowing what to do/how to respond; but when people who feel most loved through gifts get them, they feel appreciated and loved. When I get some quality time with someone, I feel loved and affirmed; but others may feel suffocated or violated. I think it's great how God has set this up, it brings a great dynamic to the Kingdom.
Reading this has also made me work harder to love people based on their contengencies. This has served to be harder than I had originally anticipated. Sometimes I feel awkward speaking words of affirmation to others because I don't primarily feel loved that way (although, I do enjoy words of affirmation); I feel silly stating the obvious, like "I appreciate you when you cook me a separate vegetarian dish." The key isn't saying 'appreciate', it's saying 'you'; that's what snags me. I want them to know I appreciate them, not just their action. But really, it's not obvious to the person until I say it outloud, which is very hard for me.
With physical touch, comes an interesting balance. Not everyone likes to be touched (appropriately, of course). I have a friend (who reads this blog, HEY!), that prefers words over touch, so when I want to show her I love her, I try not to violate her by hugs and sitting (too) close, I try to find the words to affirm my love for her. Touch is a touchy subject when it comes to males and females. I have male friends whom I non-romatically love, but, because they are men, it's not necessarily appropriate to: front hug them (that's based off of their preference, not mine, I like front hugs, but some guys don't feel comfortable hugging ladies front to front), sit/stand close, non-flirtasiously touch them, etc. I am always careful with this because I don't want any confusion as to what my intentions/feelings are, and I don't want to cause them any discomfort.
I think, also, our receiving language can become a problem if not kept in check. It's important to be careful not try and have people fullfill you. When we do that, we will always be disappointed. Someone, like me, who prioritizes quality time can become clingy if they are not careful; and when one clings to imperfection, they're always disappointed. Or perhaps someone who feels loved through recieving gifts can turn into someone who is greedy and hoards, stuff becomes their idol. Learning this balance is a constant journey, as we meet new people, we have to learn to love them in a language they understand.
I am exhausted, talk to you later!
The book was very enlightening and I often think of it when interacting with people. In it, Chapman talks of five primary love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. It is through these that we recieve love and give it. Having read the book, I see people, their words and actions, with more understanding of their motive. I am also better at expressing my needs as well as trying to meet theirs.
Something that quite fastinates me is that God did this. God made it so that we all love and feel loved in different capacities, yet He loves each of us perfectly. When people give me gifts, I have a hard time knowing what to do/how to respond; but when people who feel most loved through gifts get them, they feel appreciated and loved. When I get some quality time with someone, I feel loved and affirmed; but others may feel suffocated or violated. I think it's great how God has set this up, it brings a great dynamic to the Kingdom.
Reading this has also made me work harder to love people based on their contengencies. This has served to be harder than I had originally anticipated. Sometimes I feel awkward speaking words of affirmation to others because I don't primarily feel loved that way (although, I do enjoy words of affirmation); I feel silly stating the obvious, like "I appreciate you when you cook me a separate vegetarian dish." The key isn't saying 'appreciate', it's saying 'you'; that's what snags me. I want them to know I appreciate them, not just their action. But really, it's not obvious to the person until I say it outloud, which is very hard for me.
With physical touch, comes an interesting balance. Not everyone likes to be touched (appropriately, of course). I have a friend (who reads this blog, HEY!), that prefers words over touch, so when I want to show her I love her, I try not to violate her by hugs and sitting (too) close, I try to find the words to affirm my love for her. Touch is a touchy subject when it comes to males and females. I have male friends whom I non-romatically love, but, because they are men, it's not necessarily appropriate to: front hug them (that's based off of their preference, not mine, I like front hugs, but some guys don't feel comfortable hugging ladies front to front), sit/stand close, non-flirtasiously touch them, etc. I am always careful with this because I don't want any confusion as to what my intentions/feelings are, and I don't want to cause them any discomfort.
I think, also, our receiving language can become a problem if not kept in check. It's important to be careful not try and have people fullfill you. When we do that, we will always be disappointed. Someone, like me, who prioritizes quality time can become clingy if they are not careful; and when one clings to imperfection, they're always disappointed. Or perhaps someone who feels loved through recieving gifts can turn into someone who is greedy and hoards, stuff becomes their idol. Learning this balance is a constant journey, as we meet new people, we have to learn to love them in a language they understand.
I am exhausted, talk to you later!
As the aforementioned non-touchy friend, here is a virtual for you!
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