.Modesty.Men.Misplaced Blame.

First, watch this.

Here's my response to the above video:

Dear Men, 

         I get it, I get it, you find us (women) to be intoxicatingly delightful.  And, honestly, I can see why: what with our intellect, strength, integrity, charm, wit, compassion, passion, mystery, and love...oh yea, and our squishy lady-parts.  But, even with all that interior excellence wrapped up in external excellence, we are not the masters or owners of your (mens') brain.  And I get that y'all are 'wired' to be more visually minded; and I get that y'all have/keep a mental Rolodex of women/collection of lady body parts you find to be attractive; and I get that it's a constant struggle to keep your minds from going "there".  I get it (to the extent my little-lady brain can), I read the book.  But I'm not buying it.

I've grown up with modesty; I was never taught it, but it was always enforced.  Enforced from family, from church, from Christian organizations.  Modesty has been a part of my life from the beginning.  I am not against modesty, from women and men, but I don't like that women are being blamed for the thoughts men have about women.  That's your brain and your thoughts, take responsibility.

I used to think women who wore revealing clothes, and acted a certain way had it coming.  People call 'those' women provocative; but the problem with the word provocative is that it puts the maltreatment a woman may receive on her shoulders and puts none of the blame on the (likely) man who did the maltreating.  Every woman, whether a prostitute or a queen, deserves respect, compassion, and love, not because she's a woman, but because she's a human.  Yes, that's right, women are humans too.  The older I've gotten, and the more places I've been, I've come to realize that it doesn't matter what a woman's wearing or how she presents herself, men will objectify.  Consider this: I was walking to the recreation center at my University to work out.  Now, even though a woman never 'has it coming' because of how she's dressed, I will tell you what I was wearing: baggy t-shirt, sports bra, loose fitting sweat-capris, uncool socks, sneakers, and my hair up.  I was pretty unsexy, but that didn't seem to bother the men who made derogatory remarks and sounds about my body as they walked behind me.  I felt violated and unsafe, and for a split second " What am I wearing that's making them say these things about me?" ran through my mind.  I was wrong to think that, I had done nothing wrong.  I had done nothing wrong not because I wasn't wearing anything revealing/sexy, I had done nothing wrong (and was therefore not to blame) because I should be able to walk down the street, day or night (it was daytime, by the way), and be safe from perverse thoughts directed (verbalized or not) toward me.  Self-control, get some.

I used to try so hard to help my brothers in Christ, and really all men, keep pure thoughts about my body.  I went through a long phase of wearing men's shorts and over-sized t-shirts to hide my body.  I wouldn't wear make-up because I didn't want to call attention to myself and cause someone to stumble. But you know what?, your thoughts, men, aren't my responsibility.  And whether a woman is wearing nothing or is covered from head to toe in non-revealing clothing, it is your responsibility to not objectify.  I know it's not easy in a legging wearing, mid-drift bearing society, but it's not going to get better, so practice self-discipline.  And don't think the solution is as simple as covering women up completely, there are nations that do that who still mistreat the women and then blame the very women who are mistreated.  When someone is mistreated, it isn't their fault; the other person always has the choice to do right or to do wrong.  Choose wisely, choose respectfully.

Sincerely, 

A Woman Who Will Not Be Blamed for the Impure Thoughts of Men