Think the thoughts, feel the feels...write it down

Today I woke up feeling kinda grumpy.  Perhaps because I'm cold and it was a little a rainy earlier and maybe because I just found out that the Harris Teeter I wanted to go to is shut down until next year so I had to go to the Food Lion instead.  Really I just woke up feeling like being in a grumpy mood.  So here's a list of things that don't impress me much. 1) Children. When people are like "Look what my kid learned to do yesterday!" and the kid claps, I'm not impressed.  Of course your child learned to clap, it's developmentally appropriate for your child to learn to clap right now.  Unless your child is a prodigy and actually does some thing out of the norm, I'm not impressed. 2) Cars/Motorcycles.  As far as I'm concerned, the purpose of vehicles is to transport people and stuff from one point to another.  So when people (mostly men) rev their engines and have those cars/motorcycles that make so much noise, I not only don't feel impress...

For the past several weeks, possibly months, I've been hearing the same message at church.  Now, don't get me wrong, my pastor isn't actually saying the same message (or is he?); it's just that every Sunday whether I'm teaching Sunday School or sitting in the congregation, I have heard the same message.  At first I thought, huh that's similar to what I heard last time.  But now, I realize that it's no coincidence.  The message?  'I love you.'  I know, I know, what an obvious, elementary message, right?  That's what I think, or cognitively know.  But I certainly don't live like it. There's one line from the message on Easter that rings in my head fairly often: God doesn't hate you.  Of course He doesn't, but I felt (and maybe still feel) that He did.  These past couple of years have been rough and I see no happy ending in sight.  I don't blame anyone, not even myself, but God.  God's in control of everything, right?  Th...

A couple days ago I was babysitting some 8 year old twin girls.  One of the girls was obsessed with Broadway musicals; so all day, during almost everything we did, we listened to music from musicals.  It was great!  She had so many questions about the stories of so many different shows.  I love musicals, I think they're the best thing ever.  This day got me thinking about all the different musicals I'd like to see live, whether on or off Broadway.  Here's my top list! 1) The Book of Mormon.   I've seen some numbers from it and never stop laughing.  This is the first I saw of it and was hooked: 2) Wicked.   I used to just prejudice the show as something I would never want to see.  But then I heard about what the story was ultimately about (the Gospel) and heard the song "Defying Gravity" and now I really would like to see it. 3) Mamma Mia!   I own the movie that came out a few years ago and could watch it everyday and b...

I have a problem, I hate applying for jobs.  It sucks.  It's not so much the rejections, I don't mind being told 'no'.  I do mind that I have to assert myself so much on them to be told 'no'.  Why do I have to call them to check-up on a job I applied to?  Of course I want the job, I applied for it.  I know things don't just land in your lap; I know you have to set yourself apart from other applicants.  But when I'm applying to a part time job at a café/store?  It feels demeaning to have to work so hard to get a job that doesn't even require a high school diploma.  I have a bachelor's and a license (to teach).  Just feeling frustrated.

A couple days ago I joined a free dating site.  A couple friends joined some, two different ones, out of curiosity and it's provided some fun stories.  So I joined one out of curiosity and solidarity.  Now, I realize this site's free, so anyone can join; since anyone can join, one will come across anyone.  These are the top anyones that keep messaging me/showing interest in me on the site...and often in real life. 1) That guy.   His main picture is one with him in the bathroom mirror using his smartphone to take a shirtless picture; Or he's leaning up against his car; or he's in his car (driving?) and apparently thought he looked good enough to take a seedy picture from bellow where I can see up his nose and count his chins.  Also, he's never smiling.  He won't, or possibly can't, use proper grammar and spelling in his 'about me' or messages to me and he doesn't seem to be a great/good conversationalist. Also, he'll address me as 'sexi...

No, not the Mickey Mouse Club or the chocolate candies.  Magic Mike.  Yea, I said it.  Yea, I saw it.  Am I embarrassed/have regrets?  No.  Did I enjoy it?  Umm, yea.  I've heard lots of reactions about the movie; and being in the Bible Belt, a lot of them have been on the hostile, antagonistic side.  This isn't a post defending my seeing it.  I'm an adult who can see whatever the hell I want.  It's more of a response, that'll probably get some flack, to people's reaction to the movie and the movie goers. My friends and I scored some free tickets for an early showing.  I think we saw it over a week early.  Basically, we'll see pretty much any movie for free, so that played a huge part in our viewing of it.  Yes, there was nudity in the movie, no actual penises but there was plenty of man butt.  There was also some female nudity, I think I saw a total of four to six breasts.  The movie, however, was not ab...

Resentment's back, tell a friend.  I've been looking for another part-time job since before the school year ended.  I've applied to countless places: pet stores, schools, camps, YMCA's, cafés, and clothing stores.  It's July 7th and I still have no prospects. Last Summer and all of 2010 when I was raising support for Argentina, I was trying to depend on God for my finances.  I was ridiculously broke and, excuse me, busting my ass.  It was frustrating and defeating and confounding.  I didn't get it.  People always say that when you work hard and are committed, it'll be a big payoff.  If that be the case then I'm in for a lot of excellence!  I hope it comes sooner rather than later.  I'm in that same position now.  I (if I've calculated correctly and skimp on food) have enough money to last until the end of the month.  Then, that's it, that's all I got. Okay, now for the resentment.  I resent God.   God is Provider ...

Serendipitously: (adverb) when something happens/is discovered by way of a fortunate accident My mom always told me not use a word until I knew the definition.  I've officially looked up serendipity/serendipitous/serendipitously and it is definitely the words I want to use. I have a couple friends who have recently joined dating sites, they're curious.  They're my age.  They're meeting (is it called that?) quite an assortment of men.  Some are super old and creepy, young and creepy, cute, awkward, perfect, you name it.  It's been interesting, mostly funny, seeing who they've been coming in contact with.  I have to admit, I've briefly considered join a dating site, but that's not how I want to meet people. I'm an extrovert, so I love being around people; I love meeting people; I love deep conversation with people; I love shallow conversation with people...you get the idea.  I don't think I'm a good candidate for online dating. Growing u...

Relapse, that's what it's called.  When one slips back into a former habit or state, no matter how minuscule or large.  I'll be doing so well, and then I'll accidentally be reminded and I then I have a brief, but terrible, relapse.  I hate that about myself, I literally feel powerless to it, although I know it's a choice. Everything's a choice. I'm almost too embarrassed to share what it is I relapsed on, but I'm scared that if I don't you'll think it more dangerous than it is truly is.  Sigh, it's about a boy...well, a man.  I even unfriended him on Facebook and Twitter.  But, tonight, I saw a Facebook status of a mutual friend, his best friend, in which he was tagged and it instantly brought back this rush of old, wounded emotions.  Naturally, I went to his Facebook profile and tried to do some 'splorin', but, alas, we're not Facebook friends anymore so I could see nothing.  Honestly, how pathetic of me. So far, from what...

I watch TV/movies and I listen to music.  Here are my favorite people who are a part of that stuff...in no order. 1)   Clinton Kelly .   Isn't he just excellent?  He's on the TLC show What Not To Wear and ABC's  The Chew.  I don't really watch the later, but What Not To Wear I could watch all day.  He just seems so upbeat and witty and fun!  Not to mention fashionable.  I think we'd be great friends. 2)   Kevin K.O. Olusola .   Majorly crushing!  He's one of five members of THE BEST a cappella group on the planet,  Pentatonix .  He's the vocal percussionists, beat boxer.  Not only is he a member of this excellent group, he speaks 5 different languages, is a stud, plays cello, plays alto sax, loves Jesus, and has a heart for seeing God's Kingdom advance in the World.  I'm pretty sure we should be in a relationship because I play tons of instruments, I teach music, I love languages, I love Jesus, and all I'...

There's this idea in the US of 'arriving' I'm not convinced of.  People will say stuff like "I know I've arrived when I make a six figure salary...live in this neighborhood...been to this many places...have this many children...can hire a driver..."  While I don't think setting attainable goals is inappropriate, I do think it's silly for people to be convinced that once they have arrived at said goals that they'll be content. It's human nature to always be chasing after different ways to make us happy, to make us feel whole.  These different ways often come in one of two forms: relationships or possessions.  Relationships are great (well, great relationships are great), and some possessions are great and necessary, but they won't make you happy.  They just can't.  We, humans, weren't made to be satisfied/fulfilled by things that we create.  While they might satisfy, fill that void, for some time in some capacity, we're al...