Spare me

It's great that people are mindful of others' feelings because that means that they are at the very least a decent human being. But while it's important to be considerate of others' feelings it's also equally important to be honest and respectful of one's own feelings. A few weeks ago a friend of mine admitted that she didn't feel like she could be honest about herself and her feelings with me because she felt like she was responsible for my feelings. That could seem like a nice sentiment to some, but I didn't like it at all. I've spent a majority of my life doing that: trying to manage other people's feelings and stifling my own. It made me really unhappy and unhealthy and out of touch with myself and it made me feel like the people I called my friends didn't really know me because I didn't know myself/make myself known. I was always getting lost in others feelings, their world.

Now if I'm being honest, people do have a huge influence on my feelings, but so does the weather and my blood sugar. But I can only control one of those things. When it all boils down to it, my feelings are my feelings and they are my responsibility. No one else's. So when my friend said she felt responsible for my feelings and she'd step around certain things when having a conversation with me, it'd upset me. I want my friends to feel like they can speak openly and honestly with me, if it makes me feel some type of way, that's on me not them. I appreciate them trying to spare me emotional distress, but if not them, then someone or something else, so why not be honest with oneself and let me deal with my feelings and thoughts without you trying to censor them. That's much healthier for both parties involved.