"Not my type"

I've heard this twice in the past week and I've angrily cringed each time. It's an expression I struggle to understand, yet always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The other night I was having dinner with someone; he said that he needed to get out more, he was feeling lonely. I suggested that he try a Charlotte Meet-Up group to meet some others who have similar interests to him. He said he was on Black People Meet, which is a dating site for, you guessed it, Black people. (This did not thrill me for a number of reasons, but the biggest one is that he claimed to want friends but he's looking for girlfriends, but that's another post for another day.) Then he expressed how disappointing the pickings/results were for him. He winced as he showed me the first page of a lady who'd contacted him, her profile picture/age/city/profile name. Nothing about who she was, just the precursors. She was appropriately aged, appeared to take pride in her appearance (she had cute hair), and seemed nice enough. I hated online dating so I give her mad props for putting herself out there and for making the first move. I asked him about her, what didn't he like about her. "She's not my type...look at her, does she seem like my type?" Full disclosure: I don't like his type. He hadn't looked past her pictures. He didn't know anything about her, just that he didn't feel any initial attraction to the way she looks. I have a problem with that.

I get that attraction is important in romantic companionship, but is there a polarity that people face when gauging someone's attractiveness? Attractive OR repulsive? Nothing in-between? And what about that minuscule thing called personality? Does that get any say in how attractive someone is? Am I weird for not having a physical type? Let me be clear: personality wise, I have a type (or types) and all you have have to do is say a few keys words/phrases and you'll quickly fall out of my graces (rhyme unintended). But looks wise, my tastes are scattered across the board. I've repeatedly thought nothing of someone's looks, but then they opened their mouth and suddenly I was obsessed. And it's happened the other way around: initial physical attraction (can't stop staring and drooling) and they open their mouth and I can't escape fast enough. 

So I'm curious: how much does personality factor in when it comes to initial attraction to someone? Do you have a physical type in which you rarely deviate from? Have you ever thought someone attractive until they opened their mouth? What about the other way around? Also, those other bolded questions above.

Not rhetorical.


Comments

  1. I tend to agree with you add I don't have a particular type. I can be attracted to people who are radically different physically and internally. But what always grand me is their inner light. That could be sense of humor, creativity, intelligence, ambition, or any number of positive personality traits. Our society is sadly narrow minded when it comes to the concept of attraction and physical beauty.

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