I am thankful
Just shy of three weeks I have been in constant pain, all day, every day. Sometimes the pain is managed through slowing down and taking deep breaths, but as the weeks have progressed, the pain is less manageable and I have had to take large amounts of meds every few hours to be able to function as I normally would. It's been frustrating and exhausting and confusing, and, at times, debilitating. I know there are people who have/do face worse pain longer than I have, but this is a very new thing for me. This week's post, I have decided to reflect on the things I'm thankful for. For obvious reasons, I hope. But also because it's easy, at least for me, to let my circumstances and fleeting emotions cloud all the greatness in my life. Yes, there are always going to be serious, difficult things to overcome or tolerate in life, that's unavoidable, but to let them taint the goodness in life is your choice. Choose wisely.
Here's what I'm thankful for, in no particular order.
1) Money. Although I don't like the effect people let it have on them, it is necessary to function in this world. I have three jobs, none of which I'm super fond of, that enable me to make enough money to live month to month. I think I'm technically living within the poverty bracket, but I live a comfortable enough life and don't ask for much.
2) Childlessness. I work with kids a lot. And the more I teach and care for kids, the more I am grateful that I am not a mother or have any direct responsibility in the 24/7 well being of a small human. I don't hate kids; I love teaching them and I tolerate nannying them, but the thought of actually raising kids is a recurring nightmare of mine. I don't have a desire to flex that maternal muscle of mine (if I even have said muscle). Click on this.
3) Residency. I live in a big house with four other women. The house is a safe place for all of us to discuss sweet & savory topics authentically and freely. I look forward to going home because I know there's a dear friend who lives across the hall/across the loft/down the stairs from me...and that makes me feel loved and known. We make each other better.
4) Health. Yea, I've been feeling pretty crappy the past few weeks, but overall I'm a healthy person. I'm grateful for all my body can do.
5) Loved Ones. The last couple of weeks I have felt filled to the brim with love, from receiving and from giving, for people. Just people in general. I often feel really hurt by people; I'll take everything personally or feel like I can't speak my mind because I'll hurt someone else. But I've gotten to spend quality time with friends & family in Greensboro, Winston Salem, Charlotte, Concord and I am thankful for each of their lives. Not just because they are a part of mine, but because they are making this world a more bearable place to live. Thanks y'all.
6) Books. I have always loved reading. I've been reading since I can remember and it's stayed a huge part of me. Right now, I'm being intentional about always having a book I'm reading. I'll read this book when (if) I go to the gym and after the kids I'm babysitting have gone to bed (or are taking a nap). Reading has been a constant means for me to escape my world and learn about the World. It's made me better. Right now, I'm re-reading Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin. This book, this writing, literally gives me chills by the pages. Griffin is a sensational writer and his true experiences he recorded have made me hold my breath, laugh, cry, gasp, despair, and every other emotion under the Sun. The book isn't just about civil rights for Negroes (in the late 1950's), it's about being human, the human condition. I, essentially, want to quote the entire book to you. So much goodness.
7) Singleness. Today, I am content being single. I'm glad women can not just live, but live well, without having to be married (with kids) first. I'm glad my worth isn't wrapped up in another human, even if it is a great man. The longer I'm single, and the more I grow up, the more I'm learning what I'd like and need in a man if I'm to be married to him. I used to think I needed to have a very specific list of everything I wanted and (thought) I needed in a man. Then I ditched the list and 'just trusted God to provide the perfect man for me'. Now, through different experiences, I'm redefining what the 'perfect' man for me looks like. I know he's just a man and no human will ever be flawless, so I don't expect him to fulfill me 100%, only God can. Whether I stay single forever or I eventually get married, I always want to live a life full of love and joy. I basically want to be awesome all the time.
Alrighty folks! What you thankful for?
Here's what I'm thankful for, in no particular order.
1) Money. Although I don't like the effect people let it have on them, it is necessary to function in this world. I have three jobs, none of which I'm super fond of, that enable me to make enough money to live month to month. I think I'm technically living within the poverty bracket, but I live a comfortable enough life and don't ask for much.
2) Childlessness. I work with kids a lot. And the more I teach and care for kids, the more I am grateful that I am not a mother or have any direct responsibility in the 24/7 well being of a small human. I don't hate kids; I love teaching them and I tolerate nannying them, but the thought of actually raising kids is a recurring nightmare of mine. I don't have a desire to flex that maternal muscle of mine (if I even have said muscle). Click on this.
4) Health. Yea, I've been feeling pretty crappy the past few weeks, but overall I'm a healthy person. I'm grateful for all my body can do.
5) Loved Ones. The last couple of weeks I have felt filled to the brim with love, from receiving and from giving, for people. Just people in general. I often feel really hurt by people; I'll take everything personally or feel like I can't speak my mind because I'll hurt someone else. But I've gotten to spend quality time with friends & family in Greensboro, Winston Salem, Charlotte, Concord and I am thankful for each of their lives. Not just because they are a part of mine, but because they are making this world a more bearable place to live. Thanks y'all.
6) Books. I have always loved reading. I've been reading since I can remember and it's stayed a huge part of me. Right now, I'm being intentional about always having a book I'm reading. I'll read this book when (if) I go to the gym and after the kids I'm babysitting have gone to bed (or are taking a nap). Reading has been a constant means for me to escape my world and learn about the World. It's made me better. Right now, I'm re-reading Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin. This book, this writing, literally gives me chills by the pages. Griffin is a sensational writer and his true experiences he recorded have made me hold my breath, laugh, cry, gasp, despair, and every other emotion under the Sun. The book isn't just about civil rights for Negroes (in the late 1950's), it's about being human, the human condition. I, essentially, want to quote the entire book to you. So much goodness.
7) Singleness. Today, I am content being single. I'm glad women can not just live, but live well, without having to be married (with kids) first. I'm glad my worth isn't wrapped up in another human, even if it is a great man. The longer I'm single, and the more I grow up, the more I'm learning what I'd like and need in a man if I'm to be married to him. I used to think I needed to have a very specific list of everything I wanted and (thought) I needed in a man. Then I ditched the list and 'just trusted God to provide the perfect man for me'. Now, through different experiences, I'm redefining what the 'perfect' man for me looks like. I know he's just a man and no human will ever be flawless, so I don't expect him to fulfill me 100%, only God can. Whether I stay single forever or I eventually get married, I always want to live a life full of love and joy. I basically want to be awesome all the time.
Alrighty folks! What you thankful for?
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