but what if it doesn't?

There's a movie that I really like called He's Just Not That Into You; the overarching theme is that we tell females lies from childhood about males being attracted to them.  The first example they use is a girl getting teased on a playground from a boy, she runs crying to her mom and tells her what happened; the mom responded by saying "he's just doing that because he likes you".  The narrator, Ginnifer Goodwin, talks about how people, primarily women, will tell their girlfriends lies about the reasoning of men treating them crappily.  'Oh he's just ignoring you because he's intimidated by your beauty.'  But one character in the movie said that if a man wants you he will call you, he will pursue you.

People, in an effort to make you feel better, will blindly, unknowingly lie to you about circumstances.  It's a nice thought, but I don't currently appreciate it; I don't think I believe in that anymore.

Today, while at my yogurt job, I got a call from HR of the county school system that I was in the process of getting hired for.  I was told that I can't have the job because I don't have my license yet.  This is frustrating and disappointing for so many reasons that aren't relevant to this post so I won't really get into that.

I sent out a text telling that I didn't get the job to a few people.  One response was (edited for grammar)"  I'm sorry to hear that;  keep your head up, somethings better coming!"  Now I truly appreciate the affirmation, but I'm tired of people saying, not just to me but to others, that there's something better.  The question I pose is: "You keep saying that something better is coming, that things will get better, but what if if doesn't?"

For the past eight or so months people have been saying to me that things'll get better, that there's something better, but they haven't been.  I know I've mentioned before how encouraged I was reading Romans 8:24-25, a hope in the unseen, and I still believe it to be true...but I just don't feel like I have any hope left.  I don't even want to know when or how things will get better, because I don't believe that they will.

I'm tired of hoping and waiting only to be disappointed and rejected continually.  (I know this post must seem super whiny, but hey!, it's my blog.)  I feel a lot like just shutting my emotions and brain down, I'm tired of constantly being disappointed mentally and emotionally.  It just seems easier to not have to keep getting kicked while I'm down.  So there you have it, I admit defeat.