As a Teacher

Today, a man, 20 years old, went into the school in which his mother was a teacher's aide and shot several people.  He shot 27 people, 20 children, six adults (school personnel), and himself.  Meanwhile, in Central China, a 36 year old man stabs 23 people (22 children and one elderly lady).  Initially, I heard about these in bits and pieces and was a little confused.  But I've heard and read about them throughout the day and still don't understand it any better.

I am a teacher; and though I often comment on the lousy bureaucracy of the US educational system and have endless stories of my students' ridiculousness, I love teaching and I love those kids.  I don't have maternal feelings towards them, but I do feel a common humanness and a sense of duty in helping to grow them into wonderful adult humans.  So when someone, anyone, hurts a child, or many children, I am baffled.  I don't understand how a person can purposefully hurt another, especially a child.

School is supposed to be a safe place.  Education is supposed to elevate.  But countless times I see these safe havens and institutions tainted by the troubles of others.  A few days ago, at the school where I teach, a stalker of a substitute teacher threatened to come to campus.  My reaction?  I was angry.  So many of our children face great brokenness in their own homes and they feel safe and nurtured and loved at school, when someone tampers with that, where can they go now?  My kids were scared and confused, and while I showed a calm facade, inside I was seething.  How dare someone come and even whisper danger into the lives of my students!

I realize that people who do such heinous things often have mental health illness or have disorders or disabilities.  I also realize that there's great brokenness in this world that's inescapable.  But this doesn't soften the blow for me.  Because, how do I explain this to my kids?  How do I convince them that it's safe to go to school?  How do I explain that although they're learning to do the right thing, not everyone always will?  How do I distract them, even if only for a moment, from all the terror around them to see the beauty of life?  How do I reason with them that although those kids' (and many others') lives were cut short, life is worth living?  How do I explain that there are people who want to hurt them, but there are people who love them unconditionally?  How do I explain death to them?  How do I teach them to combat the oppressive fear of death/dying/failure, and to approach everything with love and optimism?  How do I teach them to sing Love when Hate yells louder?  How do I teach them that everyone deserves grace and love, even when it's not reciprocated?  How do I teach them to be humans when they are surrounded by the inhumane?

I'm apprehensive about school on Monday because I can't even think about the shooting and stabbing without choking on my tears.  How do I talk about it with my students if someone brings it up?  Do I bring it up?  When I think of today, I get knots in my stomach.  I don't understand, I just don't understand.  I don't know how I can face my students with a hopeful smile and not think of the students, the people, who have been harmed or killed.  I'm grateful it's not them, but I am rattled.  We live in a damaged world, with people who are broken, and at times it seems irreparable.  But we can be the music makers and the dreamers of dreams.  We can change the world.  We can break the cycles of death and dying, sickness and decay, pain and anguish, chaos and confusion.  We can change the world, for the sake of ourselves, for the sake of the children.