that girl
Have you ever watched a movie and seen a character that really resonated with you? It's never actually happened to me before until this past weekend. A friend and I watched Something Borrowed and one of the main characters, Ginnifer Goodwin's character, reminded me of myself, sadly. The character was hopelessly in love with a friend of hers from grad school that was engaged to her best friend since childhood. Unfortunately I know all too well how Gin's character feels; she was always the girl who liked the guy, but was never liked by the guy. She would externally be patient and pretend to not be affected by his lack of romantic attention, but internally she'd be in turmoil with hopelessness that he would never love her because she's not beautiful enough. She was that girl.
Maybe it's part of my personality, or perhaps it's my insecurities, but I'm always hopeful that he would like me yet I'm certain he won't, because I'm not good enough for him. Pathetic right? In my mind, I've built him up as this perfect man that I could never live up to. An idol. Now, as you can probably imagine, this serves as a detriment to my self-esteem, me feeling like I'm not good enough. I shouldn't be so fixated on what/how/who I think he is, I shouldn't be fixated at all...on anything.
Some women have a much faster turnover rate on who they like than I do. I have friends who like someone new/different seemingly every week. Not me, I have had crushes on a single (as in one) man for months, even a year or more. While I don't want to swing the other direction and hop from crush to crush, it'd be nice to not have a devoted, hopeless crush for so long. It makes me feel foolish, because I know that I could be using my time more wisely, instead of daydreaming about how great it be if he'd pay me some mind. Oddly enough, I know this as it's happening, I don't even have to look back and think "man, I wasted so much time crushin' on that guy when I could have used my time more efficiently", I think that as I'm crushin'!!! Silliness.
I guess what I'd like is to not fall deeply into the crush, to not invest so much. It leaves me disappointed, hurt. Especially when he starts dating someone or gives me some reason to stop liking him (I briefly dated this one guy who ended up being a pothead among other thing). I guess when I fall, I fall hard. It'd be nice to have a mild crush on someone and to not feel so crappy when it's over. Yea, that'd be nice.
There have been times when I was doing a great job of managing the crush, but now is not one of those times. It annoys me, my lack of self control. I guess I should collect myself, huh? Wish me luck.
Maybe it's part of my personality, or perhaps it's my insecurities, but I'm always hopeful that he would like me yet I'm certain he won't, because I'm not good enough for him. Pathetic right? In my mind, I've built him up as this perfect man that I could never live up to. An idol. Now, as you can probably imagine, this serves as a detriment to my self-esteem, me feeling like I'm not good enough. I shouldn't be so fixated on what/how/who I think he is, I shouldn't be fixated at all...on anything.
Some women have a much faster turnover rate on who they like than I do. I have friends who like someone new/different seemingly every week. Not me, I have had crushes on a single (as in one) man for months, even a year or more. While I don't want to swing the other direction and hop from crush to crush, it'd be nice to not have a devoted, hopeless crush for so long. It makes me feel foolish, because I know that I could be using my time more wisely, instead of daydreaming about how great it be if he'd pay me some mind. Oddly enough, I know this as it's happening, I don't even have to look back and think "man, I wasted so much time crushin' on that guy when I could have used my time more efficiently", I think that as I'm crushin'!!! Silliness.
I guess what I'd like is to not fall deeply into the crush, to not invest so much. It leaves me disappointed, hurt. Especially when he starts dating someone or gives me some reason to stop liking him (I briefly dated this one guy who ended up being a pothead among other thing). I guess when I fall, I fall hard. It'd be nice to have a mild crush on someone and to not feel so crappy when it's over. Yea, that'd be nice.
There have been times when I was doing a great job of managing the crush, but now is not one of those times. It annoys me, my lack of self control. I guess I should collect myself, huh? Wish me luck.
Is Facebook playing a role in this "obsession"? I would never have that issue being that I'm so mature and beyond such things, but I know *some* people struggle with looking at the particular guy's profile repeatedly and browsing through his pictures and imaging the wonderfulness that would be a relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteSheesh, I'm glad that's never been me. ;-)
Lol, yea Michelle I don't know how that feels. But perhaps the people that do do that can't unfriend him/her in fear of that seeming suspicious. That's my theory.
ReplyDelete