The Paris Wife

By coléa henderson -
Years back I read a then popular book, The Paris Wife. The book affected me because I just felt so heart broken and such a connection with the main character, Hadley Hemingway. Hadley was Ernest Hemingways' first wife. The wife he met at home and moved to Paris with and became famous with.

When my ex and I ended, this book immediately popped in my head. I began drawing parallels between Hadley Hemingway's relationship with her (ex-)husband and my relationship with my (ex-)wife. Then I scolded myself for 'being so dramatic;' I mean my ex didn't fuck their mistress while I was in the bed with them, but they were secretly "talking/texting" another woman while we were still together. But my ex didn't get infuriated when I became pregnant, but they did scroll through their phone sitting just feet away while I put my puppy down. But my ex didn't say they couldn't trust me anymore, but they did call me fat and lazy to my and others' face. But my ex didn't emotionally abuse me, but they did devalue my feelings, refuse to reciprocally help with my traumas, manipulate me into apologizing for nothing, intimidate me into remaining too timid to share my feelings, make me feel so inadequate, gaslight the fuck outta me, shame me for shameless things.

But just like Earnest Hemingway, everyone will pretty much love them regardless. I tried telling them that when they angrily texted me a screenshot of my calling them an emotional abuser online. I told them that the same people will continue to fuck with them. And it's been proven to be true. And like Hadley Hemingway, I am forced to relearn how to live a life without this giant in my life. I wonder if Hadley had difficulty eating; was she crippled by her anxiety to the point where her body hurt; was she frustrated at having an integral part in the 'fame' of her (ex)spouse and not getting any credit yet seeing 'the mistress' swoop right on in; was she frustrated by not know know who's heard bullshit about her from her ex; was she hurt by the emotional infidelity of her ex; was she anxious for the healed heart to finally be able to to stretch out fully again?

She was probably feeling dilapidated from neglect. She was probably triggered at random times and had to dig herself out of that pit. Whatever she was feeling, she was probably tired of feeling so much and of putting a brave face on. She probably wants closure and mediation and to be seen and heard for the first time in a while.

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