love landmark

By coléa henderson -
Today I visited one of our love landmarks. I went there with a friend because it’s beautiful and I wanted to share the beauty with her. I was fine at first even though every plant I touched sent a tiny shock of melancholy through my being.

Then I wasn’t fine. I became exhausted from outrunning these memories. So I sat on a bench, surrounded by plants and memories, and cried. It was annoyingly picturesque. This black femme, surrounded by nature’s beauty, crying about a lost love. I couldn’t outrun the memories. Every leaf, every flower, every rock, every bench had been covered by our proclamation of love. How many rains does it take to wash all that away?

I find myself encountering sweet memories as I go about my day, minding my own business. 

The love landmark where you first called me “my love”…
The love landmark where you first announced that you loved me…
The love landmarks where we’d revel in cheap tacos or good sushi…
The love landmarks where my heart bursted with pride for you…
The love landmarks where I felt joy in being your girlfriend/fiancé/wife…
The love landmarks where we drunkenly declared our love to each other…
The love landmarks where I daydreamed about our future together…


These love landmarks are everywhere; and, unless I leave this city, I have no way of avoiding them. They contort my brain and heart up. They make me feel unsteady on my feet. They wash me with doubt. They make me question everything from the past 2.5 years. They make me wonder what the fuck went wrong? And can it ever be right? What can I learn from this crushing ending? Will I always be crushed under this ending? These love landmarks make me wonder about you and how you’re doing; they make me want to cuddle up to you and untangle. They make me want to send you on a scavenger hunt for our love with the final destination being our beautiful life together. These love landmarks remind me that love is possible. These love landmarks showed me, someone who was convinced that I’d spend my life alone never experiencing love, that love can inhabit physical spaces as well as our bodies.

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