you're doing it wrong

By coléa henderson -
I mean, I’m a catch, right? I’m intelligent, attractive, compassionate, kinda fit, social, I could go on, but you get it. So why, a few years back, was it so hard for me to catch someone? This was the first time in years, possibly ever, that I had decided to actually try to not be single. I yoked myself to the online dating world and invested time in finding the right guy. In retrospect, I now realize why none of those potentials worked out.

I dated some eligible guys. There was the really handsome anesthesiologist tech who was a great conversationalist and shared my love for breakfast foods. There was the parks & rec employee with a brilliant smile and winning attitude whose one flaw was that he had a cat. And there were a couple of guys who just really weren’t for me. There was the guy who expressed that he was so great that he wanted to have kids so they could admire his greatness. There was the guy who wanted to jump right into a relationship with me and then got upset when I just wasn’t feeling it. And there was the guy who touched my ass two times “on accident” while trying to kiss me then asked me my five year plan. Those were some of the gems I met from online dating.

Now all those guys were actually not that bad, and some woman would be lucky to have them, but I am not that woman. In actuality, I didn’t really want to go on any of those dates, but my compulsory heterosexuality made me do it. It wasn’t until I realized that I was crushing on a girl that I understood what a crush should feel like. The feelings I had had for women up until that point, I had always just called a lady-crush…you know the kind where you wanna spend all your time with her, and have a slumber party with her, and you feel so close to her that you wanna hold her hand and maybe smell her hair while y’all spoon, you know, standard straight girl stuff, right?! Wait a minute, that’s pretty gay…as it turns out so am I.

So dating, I was doing it wrong. I struggled to figure out why I was attracted to zero of the guys, even the great ones, I dated; I mean I didn’t even like my first and only boyfriend. I struggled to understand why the crushes I did have on men, never felt fully legitimate, there was always some factor, some excuse, that kept my heart from falling head over heels, even when I felt love sick, there was something missing, some sort of apprehension present. But now I know what a crush is and why my heart would be broken when a friendship with a girl (who I liked) would crush me when it didn’t work out. 


I was doing it all wrong.

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