This is a blog post about being an ally
Recently someone asked me how to best be an ally to Black people; she didn't want to offend/step on any toes/misstep. I really appreciated her asking, but I also gave a convoluted answer. I thought instead of being redundant, I would share a great video that succinctly talks about how to be a good ally.
Franchesca brings up privilege, which can be something really hard for people to understand. I remember realizing a privilege I have when I was interacting with someone who has dwarfism, her and I were talking and walking, when she starts taking the ramp and I head for the stairs. It hadn't even occurred to me that the ramp was a viable option, but for her she always took the ramp because it makes her life easier. Here's another super video that's about intersectionality, but is a good illustration of privilege (white-female privilege).
Both of these videos are great, but there's a few other things I'd like to add on how to be (or what to know as) an ally:
1) Sometimes you won't learn anything. Of course members of the community you're an ally for are a great resource, but please do not reduce them to being just resources and not humans. There are times when I just want to rest in my blackness; this means I don't want to be your tour guide and explain everything to you. It is exhausting at times to always be held responsible for the education of others when it comes to something that you are (being black) and not just something you do (make smoothies all day). So if someone is kinda blowing you off, it might be because they don't feel like traveling down this road with you at the time.
2) Don't fetishize. There is a lightyear's difference between being an ally and fetishizing said group. When you turn the group into a spectacle for yourself or for other's, that's problematic. These marginalized people aren't here for you to be entertained by. An ally helps the community, some one fetishizes for their own self-intent.
3) Don't say how they should feel/what they should do. When something bad happens to the marginalized community you're an ally for, don't give advice. Whatever their reaction is, is the right one. Every marginalized people group (PoC, women, LGBTQIA, those with disabilities, lower class) have been told (and are still told) how they should act/feel/think/live. So they don't wanna hear your shit.
4) Do give space. Sometimes members of the community are feeling raw and just like you wouldn't poke a stick in an open wound, you (as an ally) don't wanna be that stick to their open wound. A few days ago when the Charleston church shooting had happened less than 24 hours before, I was feeling raw. I had called my little brother warning him to be careful existing so he wouldn't get shot, I cried randomly throughout the day, I yelled, I mourned, and I wanted to see/communicate with/think about ZERO white people. I understand that not all white people are raging, gun slinging, racists, but I also understand that no white person will ever experience living in an systematic, institutionalized society that's set up to keep them oppressed. That is white privilege. I do not know what it's like to live in a society built for the benefit of my gay-black-woman self. No matter how great of an ally you are, you have the privilege of not having to always think about XYZ people group, so please recognize that sometimes we don't want to see members of the privileged group because it brings awareness of our lack of privilege.
5) Stay in your lane. Franchesca touches on this when she says that 'ally' is a verb and you are the Michelle to Destiny's Child (meaning it is not about you so don't try to make it about you; it is always and only about Beyonce, all hail Queen Bey). Just like the 'A' in LGBTQIA doesn't stand for ally (it stands for asexual) and no amount of skin damage (aka tanning) and weave will make you black (*side eyes Rachel Dolezal*), please know that you are not an actual bonafide member of the community. This doesn't mean you can't come to the Pride Parade, this doesn't mean you can't go see a black comedian and most importantly it doesn't mean you can't fight for the de-marginalization, the rights of others. But recognize that you have a specific place in this relation to this community and don't go swerving trying to do the most.
Being an ally is great, being a conscious ally is even better. I hope this helps.
2) Don't fetishize. There is a lightyear's difference between being an ally and fetishizing said group. When you turn the group into a spectacle for yourself or for other's, that's problematic. These marginalized people aren't here for you to be entertained by. An ally helps the community, some one fetishizes for their own self-intent.
3) Don't say how they should feel/what they should do. When something bad happens to the marginalized community you're an ally for, don't give advice. Whatever their reaction is, is the right one. Every marginalized people group (PoC, women, LGBTQIA, those with disabilities, lower class) have been told (and are still told) how they should act/feel/think/live. So they don't wanna hear your shit.
4) Do give space. Sometimes members of the community are feeling raw and just like you wouldn't poke a stick in an open wound, you (as an ally) don't wanna be that stick to their open wound. A few days ago when the Charleston church shooting had happened less than 24 hours before, I was feeling raw. I had called my little brother warning him to be careful existing so he wouldn't get shot, I cried randomly throughout the day, I yelled, I mourned, and I wanted to see/communicate with/think about ZERO white people. I understand that not all white people are raging, gun slinging, racists, but I also understand that no white person will ever experience living in an systematic, institutionalized society that's set up to keep them oppressed. That is white privilege. I do not know what it's like to live in a society built for the benefit of my gay-black-woman self. No matter how great of an ally you are, you have the privilege of not having to always think about XYZ people group, so please recognize that sometimes we don't want to see members of the privileged group because it brings awareness of our lack of privilege.
5) Stay in your lane. Franchesca touches on this when she says that 'ally' is a verb and you are the Michelle to Destiny's Child (meaning it is not about you so don't try to make it about you; it is always and only about Beyonce, all hail Queen Bey). Just like the 'A' in LGBTQIA doesn't stand for ally (it stands for asexual) and no amount of skin damage (aka tanning) and weave will make you black (*side eyes Rachel Dolezal*), please know that you are not an actual bonafide member of the community. This doesn't mean you can't come to the Pride Parade, this doesn't mean you can't go see a black comedian and most importantly it doesn't mean you can't fight for the de-marginalization, the rights of others. But recognize that you have a specific place in this relation to this community and don't go swerving trying to do the most.
Being an ally is great, being a conscious ally is even better. I hope this helps.
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