Adulthood=Bullshit

Yeeeeeaaaaa, I'm calling bullshit on adulthood. This is my tenth year as an adult and it just gets more absurd, even downright juvenile at times.

As a child I figured that by the time I was an adult I'll have figured out what to do (how to handle) in every situation. But that's impossible, there are plenty of instances, as an adult, that one can't possibly anticipate as a child. As a child, your people interactions are limited to school, family, and extracurriculars; but as an adult everything broadens thus broadening the types of interactions you have with people. And about these people: they don't know what the fuck they're doing. No one does. I have never been the age I am at this exact moment, so I don't know how to be this age. I'm just playing it all by ear. We're all just playing it all by ear as much as we'd like to protest that notion.

I love life and the experiences I have within it. I love life so much that I want to share it with other people. Doing life with people is my absolute favorite, but the thing that brings me so much joy also brings me so much confusion and heartache. I get it, we don't fucking know what we're doing as far as 'how to life', but sometimes (oftentimes) that messes up the flow of other people's life. While I'd like to believe that everyone is concerned and considerate of the impact they have on others' lives, that sentiment is constantly debunked. At least it is in my life. (I think I can be too naive with opening my heart and life to people. I'm often 'all in', so loyal, so sincere, so giving and that doesn't guarantee equal levels of reciprocity. That hurts.)

Some people use others for their enjoyment. Explicitly or inadvertently. Some people are really mean. Some people lack basic empathy. Some people are so focused on 'getting mine' they just couldn't give less shits about anyone else. Some people don't know how fucked up they are. Some are convinced that it's always someone else who's the problem and not them. Some people are just hot messes. Some people are just a cluster-fuck. 

Truth be told, we're all at least one of those above people once in our lives. So I try not to hold that against someone when they're being an asshole; I try to think 'they're going through the stage in life in which they give zero fucks about the way they treat other people, this time will pass and they will grow from it.' As I typed that, it felt stupid and ingenuous, but I like to think of it as optimistic. The problem is we don't know how long those above 'phases' last; a few weeks? a lifetime? That's the complicated part for me; do I say something or just ride it out?

I feel like I'm rambling so let me land this puppy: We're all fuck ups at one point. We will all hurt someone we care about. We will all be too selfish to even consider others. We will all...But within each of us is the capacity to love with the freedom and sincerity of a child. All we need to do is admit we don't know what we're doing and call bullshit on adulthood.