Peter & I
I have to be honest, I've been struggling with doubt lately. I KNOW that the Lord has called me to Buenos Aires, Argentina as a STINTer post graduation, but I often feel so discouraged to the point of doubting whether or not I'm to go. I then feel scared and ashamed; scared because for those instances I really doubt that I ever heard God call me to Argentina, and ashamed because I'm being prideful by worrying about how I'll look/feel if I don't go. Then I feel remorse for doubting God's sovereign plan. Ministry Partner Development (aka MPD, aka support raising) is uniquely one of the hardest things I've ever done. This is all very new for me, and while I'm raising support for something I've felt called to for most of my life, I still feel the weight of doubt. That's really scary and frustrating for me.
This point in my life reminds me of Matthew 14:22-33, when Peter walks on the water. Peter said "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You in the water." (verse 28) in faith. "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.'" (verse 30). This is an illustration of what I've done/am doing; in faith I said "Here am I, send me." (Isaiah 6:8), but then I saw the number $33,000 and embarked on the task and began to sink in doubt.
How silly Peter was to freak out and doubt in the midst of walking on water and already have seen Jesus reveal His power in various miraculous capacities. How silly I am freak out and doubt in the midst of MPD and already have seen Jesus reveal His power and provision in various capacities.
But the good news is Peter was rescued by Jesus: "Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'" (verse 31). So even though Peter doubted and worried, Jesus still rescued him and protected him from the approaching storm. And even though I doubt and worry and try to rely on my own strength, Jesus still carries me and provides for me. How lame of me and how wonderful of God.
This point in my life reminds me of Matthew 14:22-33, when Peter walks on the water. Peter said "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You in the water." (verse 28) in faith. "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.'" (verse 30). This is an illustration of what I've done/am doing; in faith I said "Here am I, send me." (Isaiah 6:8), but then I saw the number $33,000 and embarked on the task and began to sink in doubt.
How silly Peter was to freak out and doubt in the midst of walking on water and already have seen Jesus reveal His power in various miraculous capacities. How silly I am freak out and doubt in the midst of MPD and already have seen Jesus reveal His power and provision in various capacities.
But the good news is Peter was rescued by Jesus: "Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'" (verse 31). So even though Peter doubted and worried, Jesus still rescued him and protected him from the approaching storm. And even though I doubt and worry and try to rely on my own strength, Jesus still carries me and provides for me. How lame of me and how wonderful of God.
Coléa, indeed, you have followed Isaiah in your response "Here I am, send me." Do not feel condemned, I think that Hebrews 11:11 is very helpful, "By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past age, since she considered him faithful who had promised." God commends her, even when we read in Genesis 18:12 "So Sarah laughed to herself saying, "After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" We all have sin and doubt, but the blood of Christ is sufficient, and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. What God has called you to do will happen, it does not depend on you. "For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
ReplyDeleteIf God called you to Argentina, there must be a reason for it. I once had to make a Buenos Aires Travel for my local church and I did not hesitate a seonce. Besides, you will have a nice time and meet very nice people.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are clear in your mind!
Tracy